Raymond Did It (2011)

Fear 0/5
Gore 4/5
Entertainment 5/5
Creepiness 1/5
T&A Factor 3/5

Poor Raymond. He's graduating high school soon but still can't seem to run with the cool kids or get into the knickers of a sweet girl for a finger bang or two. On top of that, he's fat, sporting a mean pair of bitch tits and he's slow (and I'm not talking about his lack of aerobic skills). His brother takes it as a chore for him to hang around with him and his friends. And when he does, he receives constant name calls of 'Re-re' and 'Sling Blade.'

On one particular weekend morning, he's reluctantly allowed to come out and play with the group, trailing behind as the kids make a mad dash for the local park. After meeting up with a friend of theirs who was desperately trying to get into the Underoos of a girl (seriously, they both looked like they were 13! kids today!!), they all hang out near a large tree in the middle of the park. It's not long before the uber bitchy girl of the group starts in on teasing Raymond. But Raymond fights right back. His brother steps in to try to mediate after she kung fu kicks Raymond in the face. But uber bitchy girl pushes him instead, which sends him reeling back, headfirst into a tree stump, killing him instantly. Frantically, the kids run away, leaving behind Raymond and the only girl in the group that's ever shown him any sort of kindness. The dispersed kids all proceed to make an I Know What You Did Last Summer kind of a pact and Raymond is sent to the local mental hospital.


Flash forward 6 years and our assbag teens are now semi-grown'd up and coming back on a college break for a reunion of sorts. They meet up at a backyard party where the requisite consumption of alcohol, drugs and other debaucherous activities occurs. After some 'What have you been up to?' talks, things become solemn as they remember what happened on that fateful afternoon a few years back. But instead of lamenting about Raymond and his poor situation that THEY threw him into along with the loss of their friend, they instead talk about boozing it up. What a bunch of douchebaggy ding dongs! Poor Raymond, even in the cuckoo house, he can't catch a break.


So of course, Raymond blows the popsicle stand and he's out for vengeance, using his retard strength to impale, smother, slice & dice and disembowel our dickheaded college kids. And boy does he ever let in on some utter brutal-ness, leaving one victim, as described by the friend that finds him 'a rotisserie chicken.'








After surviving a near death experience, Raymond continues on his brutal quest of retribution, sparing the only girl that was kind to him in the process. The end sees him wax uber bitchy girl and make his way home. But even dear ol' mom doesn't want to have anything to do with him (blaming him for his brother's death) as she pulls out her .44 Magnum and caps him. Our film fades out to the sounds of police sirens and Raymond's screams of 'All I ever wanted was my family.' One last ounce of hilarity is thrown in for good measure as he exclaims 'Dad?' and picks up an alimony payment addressed to the household on a nearby table.


Raymond Did It has everything you could ever want from a fun & silly slasher: gore, inventive kills, cornball and hilarious dialogue ('Jesus Tap Dancing Christ' is going into my everyday vocab.) and of course, an ample supply of boobage.

Raymond Did It is currently hitting the screening and festival circuit. For more information, check out the production company's website: http://raymonddidit.aegisstudios.com/

Cortez the Killer