Monday, August 3, 2009

Dead Snow (2009)

Fear 1/5
Creepiness 1/5
Gore 5/5
Entertainment 1/5

High up in the mountains of Norway lie the buried corpses of hundreds of Nazi soldiers waiting to come back to life and chow down on some cheesy teenagers. "How can this go wrong?" I said to myself. " I mean look at that fucking poster for crissakes!"

Much like The Mother of Tears, this movie packs in it's share of ridiculous gore (two bodies torn in half by zombie hordes, maybe 5 scenes involving intestines, a brain being ripped from a head) and a totally over the top premise that, on paper at least, cannot fail: Nazi Zombies.

But, sadly, like The Mother of Tears, much MUCH too much time is spent on having the actors talk to each other, ride snow boards and party down. As we used to say back in the glory days of hardcore: "Cut the shit, start the pit!"

I'm not sure if it's because the version I saw was dubbed, but the dialogue is unbelievable - and by that I mean atrocious and totally forced. But also awkward and kind of strange. Maybe it's the translation, but I think it's more that it's Norwegians who are just weird to begin with. After all, they gave us this music scene.

A good example - despite the high level of gore, the grossest scene in the movie has to be when the fat guy heads out to the outhouse, drops his drawers and takes a shit only to have one of the three ugly women in the cabin pop in on him, drop her drawers, and start humping him immediately after he has wiped his ass and is still sitting inches above a mountain of poo poo. What. The. Fuck.

Terrible movie. Predictable, stupid and a total waste of time.

- Complaint Dept

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