Gore 0/5
Entertainment 0/5
Creepiness 0/5
Oh boy, I'm not sure where to start with this one. Yes I do: this is one of the worst horror films I've seen this year. Good luck trying to make sense of this scare-less, snoozefest that is long on incoherent dialogue and short on action. It'll make your head hurt. Trust me, this isn't one to take a chance on folks.
The film has no less than 4 different sub plots that jump around during the course of the film: a group of paranormal investigators are spooked by some sort of ancient evil that's invading their town; a local horror attraction owner is worried that the evil is going to kill his business; a local family is concerned that their loved one is possessed by this evil; and an expert in the paranormal is there to help the local authorities sort it all out. Got that?
So our expert in the paranormal is played by Corey 'I'm showing up sporting a dumb haircut and spewing some nonsensical dialogue for a paycheck' Feldman slogs through the proceedings and acts as a sort of narrator. Except his relaying of what's going on to the cops doesn't make a lick of sense.
All of these dumb sub plots are supposed to converge and they kind of do but how the evil came to be and why it's decided to invade this small town, well that's anyone's guess really. This confusing, riddled with vague and terrible dialogue, and devoid of any scares horror flick, is awful in every way imaginable.
Avoid. At. All. Costs.
Cortez the Killer
10 comments:
Absolutely terrible..and not in a good way.
Incredible. Is this the first all 0s?!
actually....this review kind of makes me want to see it. Plus Corey looks like he's channeling Kiefer in Lost Boys.
Its still 1000 times better than anything the British film industry has ever produced.
Once upon a midnite dreary, while i pondered weak and weary, as i nodded nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, as of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door. Tis` the 17 year-old version of Pauline Hickey from 1985 i muttered, so i let her in and buggered her senseless.
Did you know that Oliver Reed was actually accused of molesting Cindy Hinds on the set of "The Brood" in 1978 but no charges were ever brought against him because of apparent lack of evidence.
Kudos CTK for seeing this. It's been sitting on my "do I want to hurt myself" screener pile.
Though I wanna see it just to tear it apart and make a mockery of a review.
@Kristel, indeed.
@Matt, I don't think so. May need to go back and research....
@Markus, don't do it! You THINK you do, but you don't really.
@Jervaise, not sure what you mean but OK.
@Edgar, um OK. Happy Trolling!
@Steve, see above.
@Jaded, I think I need to rearrange and prioritize my screeners accordingly. I think you'll get more use out of this as a beer coaster.
I mean that the British film industry and everything that it produces is an abomination that must be destroyed with malice-a-fore-thought and extreme prejudice.
When Pauline Hickey was 17 in 1985 she was THE most incredible bird in the history of the universe.
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