Friday, August 10, 2012

Rites of Spring (2011)

Fear 0/5
Gore 3/5
Entertainment 2/5
Creepiness 1/5

Rites of Spring is equally split down the middle: it's one part crime caper and one part slasher film. But it does neither particularly well. The only thing it did do well is that pretty cool retro cover art sitting to the left of these words. Oh, and genre vet (I'm pretty sure he can be considered a vet by now) AJ Bowen puts in another solid performance and really, his performance is the only good one.

The beginning of our film starts with some really puzzling words that are a part of the title card, telling about a series of abductions and how they all of a sudden one day stopped. At least that's what I think it was trying to say. Cut two girl friends headed out to their car after a night of drinking, they get inside, and a hooded man appears ominously behind it and well, you know what comes next.


Next up we have a newly unemployed and desperate man (Bowen) and his wife, talking through their plans for that day which includes abducting a well-to-do business man's daughter and holding her for ransom. While she reassures him that all will go as according to plan, he's obviously nervous and having second thoughts. But he decides to go through with it as the potential money that could be obtained is too great to pass up. Along with their psychotic partner, the three of them head out to the business man's mansion.

Cut back to our kidnapped ladies and we see them tied up in a barn as an old man babbles on about some sort of sacrifice and harvest or else 'he'll come.' This vague and obtuse language is rampant throughout our film and none of it makes sense any sense whatsoever.  He carves up one of the gals and lets the blood flow to a room below which holds a hideous looking man-beast captive.


Our two worlds converge when the wannabe criminals head out to the farm area and ask the rich man to meet them there with the ransom, or else.... The unscathed kidnapped woman finds her way out of the farmhouse and our man-beast ( who's now affectionately being known around the web-o-sphere as Worm Face) is in hot pursuit. Guess where the two end up? Right smack dab in the middle of the transaction that has now gone sour. Cat and mouse occurs from now until the end of the film, some decent kills occur, people die, and some make it out. The End.

Outside of some decent kills, a cool looking killer, and a solid performance by Mr. Bowen, there really isn't a whole lot here to get excited about. It's mostly boring, stock, and chock full o' lame and superficial dialogue. Steer clear.

Cortez the Killer

2 comments:

Gore-Gore Girl said...

When I watched this, I seriously thought the ending was missing.

Planet of Terror said...

Indeed Gore-Gore Girl. Very abrupt an awkward. Really disappointed with this one. It actually had a chance to be a really great slasher franchise (IMHO). The Worm Face killer looked really cool.