Monday, March 5, 2012
I should have known better. All the warning signs were there: young, white, douchey, twenty-somethings, find themselves trapped by a masked killer, making dumb decision after dumb decision. I have only myself to blame. But long-time followers know my penchant for watching really terrible slashers and loving the holy hell out of them. Alas, they are my kryptonite. But this one, while the premise is pulled off decently enough (I mean really, who gets trapped in an ATM?), the film asks way too much of the viewer to accept. Not to mention it completely throws all sense and rationale out the window.
Tweedledee and Tweedledum (Corey and David) are two investor banking buddies. Corey is the requisite douchebag extreme and David is the good guy but still annoying as all get-out. David and Corey talk about that night's festivities, an office Christmas party at a co-worker's house. Corey tells David it's time to grow a pair and ask the office assistant he's been ogling over the past few months out as 1) she's leaving for a new job soon and 2) everyone gets smashed at work X-mas parties so it's perfect timing for acting stupid and trying to get into her knickers.
So party time commences that night and after mingling with some more douchey whiteys (apparently people of other ethnic origin are not hired at their place of employment, either that or janitors weren't welcome to the party), David decides to leave. On the way out, he thinks it the perfect opportunity to ask the office assistant if she needs a ride home and she happily obliges. But he's stuck with also giving Corey McDoucheypants a ride home too because he's way too smashed to drive himself.
Our trio of ridiculously good looking white kids head out into the late night but Corey soon pleads for a midnight snack before he's dropped off. He convinces David to stop at a local pizza joint but before they do so, he needs to stop at an ATM to pull out an Andrew Jackson. Hence the impetus behind our triple threat of idiots being trapped, stalked, and terrorized by a parka sporting killer.
But just how they get themselves (all 3 mind you as it's just Corey who needs to get some dough) stuck in the ATM is just altogether silly. Corey, still drunk coaxes David into coming inside. Seems his magnetic strip (which mysteriously got him into the ATM booth in the first place) is not working and he needs David to pull out some dinero. Ditzy McGee decides she doesn't want to stay in the car and heads inside the ATM to find Tweedledee and Tweedledum squabbling like school kids. Money is pulled out and just as they leave, they see the figure which will serve as their nightmare for the next few hours.
And from here on out it's pretty much a cat and mouse game as they try to escape the confines of the now freezing ATM. People get killed along the way (first a passerby and then a mall cop) and it leads to one big finale where way too much is asked of the viewer to accept with it's 'shocking' conclusion. I won't play the spoils here. Just trust me. And oh boy, the random, laughable, love scene in the middle of all the madness was Anakin on Naboo funny.
Cortez the Killer