Wednesday, November 2, 2011

The Haunting At The Beacon (2009)

Fear 0/5
Gore 2/5
Entertainment 0/5
Creepiness 0/5

You know those types of films that give you equal bouts of tourettes and fits of fury? Yeah, that is this one to a perfect T. With no regards to pacing, character development or really a coherent plot, The Haunting at The Beacon (also known as The Beacon) is one of the most boring, uninspired, listless haunted house (in this case apartment complex) films you'll ever see. Avoid this one at all costs.

Our story begins with a woman (Teri Polo, Ben Stiller's better half in the Fockers series of films) and her husband moving into a new apartment complex. Immediately, strange occurrences take place with a young boy haunting their abode, running across rooms and causing bumps in the night. In addition, the woman sees a dime store, paper-mache faced version of Pinhead roaming the hallways of the complex and even showing up at her husband's place of work: the local university where he teaches.

We then learn that the couple is there to start anew. Apparently their young son died in a tragic accident not too long ago and the woman believes she is seeing him roaming the hallways and riding the elevators in the apartment complex. Lots of goofy, awkward, and clunky dialogue ensues between the woman, some of the tenants (including a slutty blonde who's looking to get into the knickers of her husband) and the complex's guard (Michael Ironside who's obviously in this for the paycheck). It's so awkward and annoying, like a fifth grader who wrote a script thinking 'Yeah, this is how old people talk.'

So after many a rinse and repeat of the boy roaming the halls, wreaking havoc on the woman's psyche and paper-mache'd man face stalking her wherever she goes, we then find out what is actually taking place in the building. Along with her husband's geeky science-y co-worker, they come to the conclusion that some inter dimensional worm-hole or some shit has opened the apartment complex up to a greater evil. And all of it's inhabitants are some sort of trapped demons looking to take their souls. By this time, with all of the bizarre-o dialogue and really slow pacing, I had checked out. So my interpretation may not be all up to snuff. But you kinda get the point.

It's on Netflix streaming if you really want to torture yourself. And apparently it was filmed at an actual haunted locale in Texas. I had no desire to sit through the DVD extras to find out any additional details on the proceedings (supposedly some creepy events took place). This is as boring and lackluster as they come.

Cortez the Killer

1 comment:

TerrorScribe said...

Hey, that's where we shot "Annotated".