Saturday, October 8, 2011

Kids Go To The Woods...Kids Get Dead (2009)

Fear 0/5
Gore 3/5
Entertainment 0/5
Creepiness 0/5

The title pretty much says it all. Laden with genre tropes and unbearably awful dialogue, the film falls flat on every level and begs the question: 'Do we REALLY need more films like this?' This isn't even fun in an oh so good it's bad way. It's not even the type of film that you can say is an admirable effort because the creators appear to wear their influences on their sleeves or are true fans of the genre. I'm not making judgements here and I'm sure they are (the title cards, credits and artwork are reminiscent of Friday the 13th). This film is just painfully dull and boring. It's paint by numbers horror and it's insulting.

Do I really need to get into a synopsis? I mean the title says it all, right? OK, if I must for some sort of reviewer integrity. A group of kids (cliche riddled to the bone) head out to the woods. They party, drink and have sex. A killer is stalking them. He sounds like Darth Vader and looks like the killer from My Bloody Valentine. A 'twist' is introduced which is supposed to be inventive, I guess, but it just comes off as lazy and contrived (much like the entire effort).


And really that's all I can muster with regards to plot. The sex, dick and fart jokes aren't funny in the least. And curse words are thrown around like a middle schooler thinking it's neat-o. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure a middle schooler (or someone that didn't progress past the 5th grade) wrote the dialogue and script.

Look, you know I love a good cheese and sleaze fest. But when are filmmakers going to learn that throwing together these types of tropes and not even paying mind to things like witty dialogue or interesting kills (the film can't even get that right) is an instant recipe for disaster? And I don't even want to hear the recent argument of 'Well it's a --insert genre staple here________-- movie. What did you expect?' This is becoming a prevalent cop-out and ignores one simple film making truth: you should still strive to make a decent film.

If you're feeling masochistic, you can check the film out for free through the end of the month via its website. Don't say I didn't warn you.

http://darkstarentertainment.net/kgd/kgdhome.htm

5 comments:

Sir Phobos said...

"He killed her! He Killed Robin!"

Puke in my mouth a little.

The last shot was the worst part, if there is such a thing. Maybe that, and the one with the tool saying he's going to get laid while dancing around at the urinal. I hope he dies first.

Kev D. said...

Movies like this make me so angry... how did you manage to even sit through the whole thing?

They probably thought the title was clever when they made this.

Let's go find that middle-schooler and tell him to "go to the woods".

Planet of Terror said...

Sir Phobos, I honestly don't remember who dies and in what order nor do any of the kill scenes stand out. It's that dull.

Kev, I don't know sir. Call it taking one for the team!

The Man-Cave said...

Well if it's free...

Actually your warnings have piqued my curiosity to see the horribleness of it all. Damn you Killer!! ;)

Adam said...

I downloaded this movie on Filmbaby for a couple of bucks and due to my undying love for horror watched the whole thing.

It just seemed like something some college kids slapped together so with that in mind I can honestly say I've seen worse but compared to a proper horror movie like a Friday The 13th? Very ordinary.

I thought the shop owner at least showed some sort of acting ability and a couple of the girls were cute, oh and Candy Adams is a babe.