Saturday, October 22, 2011

I Didn't Come Here To Die (2010)

Fear 2/5
Gore 4/5
Entertainment 5/5
Creepiness 3/5

Now this is how you make a 'young kids go out into the middle of the woods' horror movie. Not this. Taking your standard conventions and twisting them to great effect, the film cuts through the clutter and delivers one hell of a horror comedy. Grab your friends, a 12 pack (or two), watch this as a double feature with Tucker and Dale vs. Evil, and you'll be having yourself a side splitting, gore soaked, good time.

Our story focuses on a group of six do-gooders: a goody two-shoes girl who sports a sailor mouth when drunk, a pussy whipped guy who's reluctant to leave his lady friend behind, a pair of mischief makers looking to get drunk and fuck, a soft spoken young man who's hiding a secret pain, and a hot gal who's guiding our group out into the middle of the woods to build a place for underprivileged kids. Awwwww, isn't that nice?


The kids head on out, stopping at a convenience store on the way (our mischief makers picking up some booze even though having it's a no-no) and eventually get to their destination and set-up camp. Our kids decide to get shitfaced that night and our young man with a sad past is ready to unleash his other pitched tent on the hot guide. But things go horribly wrong when Ms. Goody Two Shoes stumbles around drunk and has one of her eyes gouged out by a local tree branch. And so begins a string of bad accidents and really horrible decision making which is all made possible by the surrounding woods and the supernatural presence contained within. Simply put, these kids are fucked.

So our volunteer guide takes the wounded goody two shoes to the hospital and encourages the group to get started on work. While mischief maker boy and our secret pain harboring, hoping to bang the hot guide guy,  get started in on one area, mischief maker girl and pussy whipped boy get started on another. Mischief maker girl decides that it's a good idea to swing the chainsaw around and around like a toy with absolutely no regard for her surroundings. Big mistake. It catches a tree branch and the force sends her backwards, the saw dislodges and lands right smack in the middle of her face. Horrified, pussy whipped boy tries to remove the saw from her facehole but only makes the situation worse as the saw fires up and splits her head in two.


Pussy whipped boy becomes extremely traumatized by the whole event and despite the effort of the other two boys to calm him down, he does himself in as the horror he witnessed becomes too much to bear and the supernatural force at work in the woods royally freaks him out. He takes his own life by hanging himself in a nearby tree which sets one of our remaining two boys into a downward spiral of madness.Things conclude in a bad way for the rest of our group including the hot guide who's now come back for them. Continued bad judgement and incredible irrational behavior lead the remaining three down a path of no return and things get incredibly worse.

I Didn't Come Here to Die is insanely good fun. The atmosphere and cartoon-like insanity has an Evil Dead feel about it. And genre fans are starting to take note as its received incredible praise from the community in addition to mainstream sites and bloggers like yours truly. This is a classic folks.

For more information about the film, check out its website. As more news becomes available about an official release, keep your eyes peeled (but not gouged) on this here interwebs page.

http://ididntcomeheretodie.com/

Cortez the Killer

2 comments:

Kev D. said...

The pussy whipped character never gets a break...

Planet of Terror said...

Indeed. Poor bastard.