Saturday, September 17, 2011

The Perfect House (2010)

Fear 0/5
Gore 4/5
Entertainment 0/5
Creepiness 0/5

Over the past couple of years, there's been a resurgence of the horror anthology. Results have ranged from pretty darn good to the unbearably awful. The Perfect House falls into to the latter category. This is one boring, lackluster, uninspired mess.

Our feature begins when a family (the mother played by genre vet Felissa Rose) invites their neighbor over for dinner. At the dinner table, the the man of the family reveals that he threw away the neighbor's old weed whacker which he had borrowed. The neighbor is visibly shaken by the news. Presumably, bad things are about to happen. Due to a discarded lawn tool.

Moving right along after the opening credits, a young couple is guided by their real estate through the former house of the aforementioned family. Its perfect for them but they are curious as to why it's listed for so cheap. The agent, a blonde bimbo in a red dress, tells them the house is just looking for the perfect owners. Obviously, she's not being completely forthright and in an awkward turn, she starts provocatively showing off her 'assets' to the husband to get them to seal the deal as quickly as possible. Huh?

This awkward event (and subsequent transition) carries us into the beginning of 3 short vignettes. Not a single one of them are interesting and all share the same quality: dialogue that sounds like it was written by a 5th grader experimenting with creative writing for the first time. A brief rundown of each story is as follows:

- A family of four are holed up in the basement of our on the market home due to a nasty storm brewing outside. The mother is a real mean bitch. We don't know why.  After each flash of lightning strikes, one family member gets the axe. But who's doing the killing? Why do I care?

- A man keeps a girl he's kidnapped locked in the basement of the home. She's fed once a week, raped and then put back in her cage. She watches as he drags back other victims and places them in the cage next to her. She babbles on about her lot in life, some vague reasoning why this guy does what he does and we get to see the guy torture a few people. That's it.

- Our last story involves the family at the beginning of our film. If you said to yourself 'No, that can't be right' when asking yourself if they'd meet their untimely demises at the hands of a neighbor who's pissed about a chucked away weed whacker, well, you'd be wrong. Well not entirely. He kills the family off with some very weak rationale, talking about the discarding of 'unimportant things.' That's all that you get really as a potential motive.

Look, I can appreciate the fact that there is an inherent challenge in making a short story within the anthology framework. But at the very least, there has to be some coherency to it. There was absolutely none of that here. No rhyme or reason to any of the proceedings and any and all dialogue was completely devoid of any clear, rational thought. Again, it seemed as though the dialogue was written in a stream of consciousness with no real regard to motive or character development. It was completely empty.

The film is getting a premiere via it's Facebook page on Oct. 1st. If any of this interests you in the slightest, you can check it out here: http://www.facebook.com/ThePerfectHouseMovie

I say avoid this stinkpile at all costs.  

Cortez the Killer

6 comments:

Jeffery said...

Going by the screen-grabs it looks like a U.S military training video for Guantanamo Goons. From all reports they're pretty disappointing as well! Hehehehe.

TimbreWolf said...

I was lucky enough to screen this last night, and I have to disagree with the vehement dislike for this independent film.

Perhaps some of the fill in the blank nature did not fit into Cortez the Killer's perspective of what they like to watch.

I believe it did well in paying homage to horror film styles through out the modern era. Was acted fairly well for the genre (better then many large budget films)

I think it really had to be taken in check your desire to disbelieve at the door, instead of the bland white wash of contempt. I think the subtleties may have been the strong points that admittedly were easy to miss, especially if you are looking to be superficial.

Remember "The Birds" was just a movie about birds. "Alien" was just a movie about an Alien.

King Cripple said...

Damn! I dig the anthology format, and I'm hopeful another decent one emerges soon (Drive-In Horrorshow sounds like potential fun), but even Chillerama, a anthology I had high hopes for, is reportedly lackluster.

http://www.bloody-disgusting.com/news/26382.

I agree the anthology format is on the rise once again, so I'll keep my fingers are crossed!

Planet of Terror said...

Timbre, I appreciate dissenting opinion when talking about genre film. But let's not assume things about people who appreciate (and support) good genre work that is rich in character and which doesn't spoon feed you anything. This film is about as subtle as a sledgehammer. That's unless of course you're definition of subtle is vague attempts at rationale and flimsy internal logic.

I think you're grossly understating both of those films. Their characters are just as endearing as the subject matter(not to mention the fact that they are just phenomenal films).

But I digress. Spend some time on the blog, read more than one post and then come back and tell me I don't appreciate film that isn't paint by numbers.

Sir Phobos said...

The thing that really makes me not want to see it is everything you said about the dialogue. Stream of consciousness writing really, really pisses me off. It's bad enough when it's done for a college paper, but when you have to sit through people awkwardly saying that crap out loud, it's even worse. Yea, I'll pass. Thanks.

Planet of Terror said...

Sir Phobos, that's not even the half of it really. I think I held back a bit. This film was a blatant attempt to pander to the Hostel loving crowd. It's soulless and not inventive in the least. Avoid it at all costs.