Saturday, September 17, 2011
The Perfect House (2010)
Over the past couple of years, there's been a resurgence of the horror anthology. Results have ranged from pretty darn good to the unbearably awful. The Perfect House falls into to the latter category. This is one boring, lackluster, uninspired mess.
Our feature begins when a family (the mother played by genre vet Felissa Rose) invites their neighbor over for dinner. At the dinner table, the the man of the family reveals that he threw away the neighbor's old weed whacker which he had borrowed. The neighbor is visibly shaken by the news. Presumably, bad things are about to happen. Due to a discarded lawn tool.
Moving right along after the opening credits, a young couple is guided by their real estate through the former house of the aforementioned family. Its perfect for them but they are curious as to why it's listed for so cheap. The agent, a blonde bimbo in a red dress, tells them the house is just looking for the perfect owners. Obviously, she's not being completely forthright and in an awkward turn, she starts provocatively showing off her 'assets' to the husband to get them to seal the deal as quickly as possible. Huh?
- A family of four are holed up in the basement of our on the market home due to a nasty storm brewing outside. The mother is a real mean bitch. We don't know why. After each flash of lightning strikes, one family member gets the axe. But who's doing the killing? Why do I care?
- A man keeps a girl he's kidnapped locked in the basement of the home. She's fed once a week, raped and then put back in her cage. She watches as he drags back other victims and places them in the cage next to her. She babbles on about her lot in life, some vague reasoning why this guy does what he does and we get to see the guy torture a few people. That's it.
- Our last story involves the family at the beginning of our film. If you said to yourself 'No, that can't be right' when asking yourself if they'd meet their untimely demises at the hands of a neighbor who's pissed about a chucked away weed whacker, well, you'd be wrong. Well not entirely. He kills the family off with some very weak rationale, talking about the discarding of 'unimportant things.' That's all that you get really as a potential motive.
Look, I can appreciate the fact that there is an inherent challenge in making a short story within the anthology framework. But at the very least, there has to be some coherency to it. There was absolutely none of that here. No rhyme or reason to any of the proceedings and any and all dialogue was completely devoid of any clear, rational thought. Again, it seemed as though the dialogue was written in a stream of consciousness with no real regard to motive or character development. It was completely empty.
The film is getting a premiere via it's Facebook page on Oct. 1st. If any of this interests you in the slightest, you can check it out here: http://www.facebook.com/ThePerfectHouseMovie
I say avoid this stinkpile at all costs.
Cortez the Killer