Monday, January 24, 2011
OK found footage films. You and I need a break. Nothing personal, but you've momentarily worn out your welcome. Your new car smell now reeks of baby vomit mixed with wet dog. I no longer have the time nor the patience to continue to watch uninventive and boring crap like this.
Two college filmmaking students drive out to a small town. They are fascinated by the thought of documenting the life of a former contestant on The Bachelor (I have not verified if she was in fact a contestant nor do I really care) who's now turned local news anchorwoman. The lead filmmaker had apparently been in contact with her via email and other means of communication. So she knew that they were on their way. But when they get there, she plays dumb and tells them to leave.
The dejected kids head back out to their van. But before they can leave, our news anchorwoman comes back out to tell them that she does not have a camera crew and that she needs them to help her out. So she suckers them into taking her and investing the murder of two local kids at the hands of their suspect father.
After being denied entry onto the grounds of the family farm by the local sheriff (who's obviously hiding something), the kids get a room at the local motel. What ensues for about the next 30 min or so is a bunch of research and playing Scooby Doo. Despite the creepy hotel clerk and the obvious that there is something this small town is hiding, NOTHING HAPPENS.
Finally, something interesting takes place as the former groundskeeper approaches the group and invites to take them to the farm to allow them to do some investigative work. They find that the house also served as a classroom where the father homeschooled them and taught them the ways of the good book. But hardly anything suspicious is found until one of our camera crew unearths a box filled with pictures of our groundskeeper and his buddy doing some unfathomable things to the two little kids.
The end sees the two child molesting hillbillies string up and torture the camera crew and anchorwoman. They free themselves and then it's hot pursuit time into the surrounding corn fields. Our group struggles with their pursuers and are eventually able to incapacitate them. The local police shows up and hauls them off. Mystery solved. YAY! Or is it.....but more importantly, who the fuck cares?
Getting to the end was a long and laborious process. After about 45 min or so of nothing really happening, all I wanted to have happen was for this film to end. And for a film that has a running time of about 1:20, that's really bad. And for a found footage film, there were a lot of cutaways to random scenes of someone sharpening knives and beating victims which made no sense. Not to mention, there were times that made you scratch your head and wonder 'Did the filmmaker's forget that they were making a found footage film?' For example, we see our lead camera guy as he wakes up one morning. Who was filming him? Was the camera on all night? Stupid things I could look past if the film was actually good. But as such, it just added to my annoyance.
Avoid this one at all costs folks.
Cortez the Killer