Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Die-Ner: Get It? (2010)

Fear 0/5
Gore 3/5
Entertainment 1/5
Creepiness 0/5

The title of the film would lead you to believe that it is more tongue n' cheek than it really is. And the marketing materials included with it proclaim it as 'Pulp Fiction meets Zombieland.' Well the movie itself has neither the humor nor inventiveness of either of those films. Instead what you are left with is an incoherent plot filled with a slew of characters that fumble and bumble their way through a series of head scratchingly stupid decisions.

The film starts out with a waitress at a diner, recounting the sad tale of her life to a stranger as she's lost both her sister and husband. The dialogue going back and forth for awhile until the stranger reveals a bit of an odd side to him as he carries a duffel bag full of duct tape and rope. He promptly whips out a knife and makes short work of the waitress and diner chef.

Another couple arrives at the diner, in the midst of a lover's quarrel. Our killer acts the part of the diner's waiter and grabs them a couple of coffees. The local sheriff stops by and things become uncomfortable as our killer tries to explain where everyone who normally tends to the diner is. And it certainly doesn't help his case that the bodies he's stuffed into the walk-in freezer come back and start doing the zombie shuffle.

The sheriff is attacked by one of our escapee zombies and all hell breaks loose. Our killer along with the couple tie up the zombies. And even though they formally acknowledge them as members of the walking dead, they don't kill them or shoot them in the head. But instead, tie them up and keep them around for company. If that bit of illogical decisioning wasn't enough, the couple knockout the killer with a meat tenderizer and instead of going to the sheriff's car to use his radio, they hang around long enough for the killer to come to and tie them up.

So we get to the 'why' of these people coming back from the dead. Seems that the killer has been plenty busy, taking out multiple people in his travels including a few drifters and truck drivers. He really isn't sure himself as to why these people keep coming back from the dead after he's killed them. But he theorizes, through a long winded explanation of evolution and the way of the world, that maybe, just maybe, zombies are the next logical evolution in human species. Huh?

The film doesn't end any less confusingly as the zombie horde (which we assume are his victims) advances on the diner and our remaining survivors are taken care of. Cut to the end as our killer is getting ripped to shreds while crying out with claims that he doesn't regret his actions a single bit.

Eschewing anything that made Pulp Fiction or Zombieland great, Die-Ner is a muddled mess of film. Only watch this if you want to scream at the TV every 20 minutes or so at the extremely stupid choices our onscreen characters make.

Cortez the Killer

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