Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The Taint (2010)



Fear 1/5
Gore 5/5
Entertainment 5/5
Creepiness 2/5

Disgusting. Foul. Offensive. Riotously funny and entertaining. Its like John Waters and Herschell Gordon Lewis had a sleep over, snorted coke and listened to 80's synth pop while getting each other off as they simultaneously came up with new and repulsive ways to gross the shit out of people. The Taint would make Henenlotter blush.

Kicking off our adventure, an emo-ish kid named Phil O'Ginny is trying to get into the knickers of a young lady near a farm. During mid 'Oh babys', he's foiled by old man Rivers who's got a scythe and a bad case of the Hershey squirts. He exits stage left lickity split and escapes into the woods. But he soon runs into other men who are suffering from a severe case of engorged and exploding members with a raging need to bash the heads in of any women they come into contact with. You see, the local water supply has been 'tainted' and its caused all of the men to become zombie-like, crazed misogynists.



Our skinny, fat rimmed sunglass wearing, and now toting a .44 magnum (I mean really, who doesn't carry one in their man purse?), hipster runs into a woman who tells the story of her husband falling victim to the infected water. Their love was one that was perfect, as illustrated by a hilarious and over the top flash back sequence as they profess their love for one another. They draw the conclusion that anyone who questions their commitment must be gay. After story time, the two band together and head out in search of fresh water and to get away from the madness which is quickly surrounding them.

Setting out on their journey, they soon run into a group of men lead by the hyper sexual PE teacher of the local high school whom Phil is all too familiar with. He says he's prepared for a day like this (another hilarious sequence ensues as we see a Rocky-like montage), when chaos rules and abled body men must attempt to restore society. When Phil and his female cohort don't fall in line, it's go time as Phil and him square off. But before the gym teacher can finish beating him to a bloody pulp he's saved by a strange masked man.


The trio flee the scene, taking refuge in the basement of a nearby home, away from the ever growing siege of pants splitting, full wood sporting, crazed men who are running around, bashing in the heads of women with rocks while baby batter spews all over the place. -- My wife heard a symphony of 'icks' and 'yucks' throughout the entire time I watched this looney film.


Our masked man relays the story of how this all came to be as he and a partner were working on a serum which would enhance a man's sexual performance. Instead, it turned them into crazed deviants and lady killers. After his own evil intentions are revealed, our reluctant hero Phil whips out his .44 and goes on a massive spree, laying waste to the infected and setting records for the most exploding penises ever committed to film along the way.


If you love brash, irreverent and over the top trashfests, then you must experience The Taint. But The Taint isn't for everyone. Many will find it repulsive in fact. But if you give The Taint a chance, you'll see that exploring it can be pleasurable.

For more information on where you can find The Taint, look no further:

http://www.taintmovie.com

Cortez the Killer

The Taint Trailer (NSFW) from Dan Nelson on Vimeo.

8 comments:

Myra said...

this looks hysterical

Copyboy said...

Now that sounds like my kind of horror-fest. Love the name!!!

Emily said...

as soon as I saw John Waters mentioned I knew this would be a movie I'd love. gonna get my hands on this!

Geof said...

Oh you totally sold me on this one with the review and the screen grabs! Totally. I have GOT to see this flick stat. Dirty name, I likey.

Jinx said...

You had me at 'Its like John Waters and Herschell Gordon Lewis had a sleep over'.

Cortez The Killer said...

All, definitely check this one out. I wouldn't lead you wrong by saying this one of the best all-time gross outs I've ever seen. This film deserves to be seen by a larger audience (if they can stomach it).

Spooky Sean said...

Well, I'm sold on the title alone.

Carl Manes said...

I had a ton of fun with this one, pure, unadulterated Troma goodness!