Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Piranha 3D (2010)
T&A Factor 5/5
Over the top. Blood, boobs and gore galore. The amp is turned to 11. Piranha 3D is the most fun I've had at the theater this year (so far).
Not taking the same goverment experiment route of its 1978 predecessor but still giving more than a passing wink wink to Jaws, Piranha centers on a lakeside town during its annual spring break sleazefest. The towns sheriff (played by the still ever so hot Elizabeth Shue) along with her partner (Ving Rhames who should have gotten way more screen time) tries to keep things in control and yahoo douchenozzles from driving drunk in public. What she's not prepared for is a seismic shift in the lake which causes the earth to break and giveway to an underground lair where a breeding ground of prehistoric piranhas reside. Gadzooks!
Pulling into town, is the proprietor of a Girls Gone Wild-ish website played to new highest of douchetastic-ness by Mr. My Secret Identity. Everytime I see him, I think about that show and his magical spray cans. He convinces the teenage son of the sheriff to take him out on the lake to find primo spots to film his slutty gals he's brought aboard and get other shots of boobage. Of course, their plans are dampered by the little minions of munching mackarel on crack.
After capturing some footage, they attempt to get back to a wet t-shirt party thats going down, but their boat gets stuck in some rocks. As they work on getting themselves out, the lake party goers and the contestants come under attack from our swarming fish. What occurs next is an epically awesome gore bath, so over the top and fantastical you just have to see it to believe it. A classic scene that will go down in infamy as one of the best in horror history. Mad kudos to Greg Nicotero and crew for creating some jaw dropping practical effects.
As the boat tries to get out, it too comes under fire. From the moment O'Connell comes on screen, you hate him. It intensifies the more he drinks and becomes one bastardly over the top a-hole. So you know he's gonna get waxed in extraordinary fashion and boy does he ever complete with a genitalia extraction service provided free of charge by our mean little fishies.
In between all of this and leading up to the finale, is an overabundance of boobage and other nasty and over the top kills (topless parasailing anyone?). And it contains some pretty cool cameos including one by Christopher Lloyd. Great Scott!!
Overall, check your IQ at the door and prepare to have a rollicking blast. Piranha 3D was a hoot and a film I'll celebrate with friends for years to come. Along with a nice 12 pack.
Cortez the Killer