Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Piranha 3D (2010)


Fear 1/5
Gore 5/5
Entertainment 5/5
Creepiness 1/5
T&A Factor 5/5

Over the top. Blood, boobs and gore galore. The amp is turned to 11. Piranha 3D is the most fun I've had at the theater this year (so far).

Not taking the same goverment experiment route of its 1978 predecessor but still giving more than a passing wink wink to Jaws, Piranha centers on a lakeside town during its annual spring break sleazefest. The towns sheriff (played by the still ever so hot Elizabeth Shue) along with her partner (Ving Rhames who should have gotten way more screen time) tries to keep things in control and yahoo douchenozzles from driving drunk in public. What she's not prepared for is a seismic shift in the lake which causes the earth to break and giveway to an underground lair where a breeding ground of prehistoric piranhas reside. Gadzooks!

Pulling into town, is the proprietor of a Girls Gone Wild-ish website played to new highest of douchetastic-ness by Mr. My Secret Identity. Everytime I see him, I think about that show and his magical spray cans. He convinces the teenage son of the sheriff to take him out on the lake to find primo spots to film his slutty gals he's brought aboard and get other shots of boobage. Of course, their plans are dampered by the little minions of munching mackarel on crack.


After capturing some footage, they attempt to get back to a wet t-shirt party thats going down, but their boat gets stuck in some rocks. As they work on getting themselves out, the lake party goers and the contestants come under attack from our swarming fish. What occurs next is an epically awesome gore bath, so over the top and fantastical you just have to see it to believe it. A classic scene that will go down in infamy as one of the best in horror history. Mad kudos to Greg Nicotero and crew for creating some jaw dropping practical effects.

As the boat tries to get out, it too comes under fire. From the moment O'Connell comes on screen, you hate him. It intensifies the more he drinks and becomes one bastardly over the top a-hole. So you know he's gonna get waxed in extraordinary fashion and boy does he ever complete with a genitalia extraction service provided free of charge by our mean little fishies.

In between all of this and leading up to the finale, is an overabundance of boobage and other nasty and over the top kills (topless parasailing anyone?). And it contains some pretty cool cameos including one by Christopher Lloyd. Great Scott!!

Overall, check your IQ at the door and prepare to have a rollicking blast. Piranha 3D was a hoot and a film I'll celebrate with friends for years to come. Along with a nice 12 pack.

Cortez the Killer

10 comments:

Copyboy said...

You convinced me to Netflix this mutated puppy. So sad Shue and Ving have resorted to this. One step away from a Saturday Syfy movie.

Emily said...

I echo your thoughts. Damn fun time and I'm happier than Jerry O'Connell at a wet t-shirt contest to hear this is getting a sequel.

Emily said...

Doc Brown from Back To The Future, that's all I'm saying.

Cortez The Killer said...

@Copyboy, it is actually fun to see in the theater with a group of folks but the price tag is steep being 3D and all. And yes, one step away from Syfy is not an unfair claim. But good to see Shue getting some work recently. I've missed her.

@Emily, totally bitchin' that a sequel is getting done. I heard that Aja wants to have the next one I believe in Thailand where they have a beach party with 100's of thousands. All I can say is the body count will be astronomical! A shame though that Vampires Suck is beating this out at the box office currently. I am worried about the youth of today.

@Emily, reason enough indeed. Awesome cameo at the beginning with Richard Dreyfuss too.

Mike Snoonian said...

This film is so much fin, and let me go on the record to say that Kelly Brooks is a damn scorching hot lady. va va voom

also-BOAT PROPELLER KILL NINE THUMBS UP

B-Movie Becky said...

The more I think about it, that one really long scene of blood n' guts at the Wet T-Shirt contest is the saving grace of the whole film. Without that scene, I probably would have hated the movie.

Agree that it was fun, but not funny enough for me. :)

The Film Connoisseur said...

I'll be there first in line to see it tomorrow! Many a good review make this one out to be fun times, so Im positive!

Glad you liked it!

Cortez The Killer said...

@Mike, mos def. She is one hottie boom bottie. And the boat propellor kill reminded me of Zombie Holocaust. Which is never a bad thing.

@Becky, hard to argue against that. It did make the film. Although the losing of a bodily appendage scene as well as the losing of some implants were also pretty stellar. I get that it wasn't THAT funny. But for me, it didn't have to be. Just good, mindless, b-movie fun.

@TFC, I await your critique sir. I hope you enjoyed it.

Chris Hallock said...

I loved the opening sequence and enjoyed the film overall. All my issues can be chalked up to Hollywood in 2010. At the very least, they didn't skimp on the things promised. They definitely paid off the MPAA, though, come on.

If only Vern Tessio had known in the future he'd be licking salt and tequila from the bellies of super babes...

Cortez The Killer said...

Chris, I hear ya. Even though it was a lot of mindless fun, it did pander a lot to kids today. Grumble grumble, I'm an old man, etc. etc. And sweet lord, he had to of paid them off. Or given them handjobs at least.