Friday, July 30, 2010
Girls Nite Out (1984)
Ambiguous Gayness 5/5
This movie should be renamed Girls Nite Out....or how the boys tried to suppress their gay tendencies. Oh sure, it's your garden variety 80's slasher but there is so much more going on. Let's check it out!
The film starts with an amazing finish to a men's college basketball game, complete with tiny shorts. Total 70's music plays over the event (not the only instance in the film which had me scratching my head wondering what decade it was set in) and afterwards, we see our boys in the men's locker room. One guy, despite coming off a fantastic win, laments to his friend about the break up with his girlfriend. He consoles his buddy and tells him he'll be able to plow plenty of vagina now that he's single.
We then find out that that evening is the kickoff to a weekend of fun filled events complete with the legend of another student going batshit crazy around this same time years ago when he killed his cheating girlfriend. The festivities starts off with a costume party over at one of the sorority houses and rounds out with a scavenger hunt the next night. This is preceded by a duo of ambiguously gay guys who are fraternity buddies with our friend and his butthurt basketball amigo. As they head back to their dorm rooms to get ready for the evening, the girlfriend of the non-dumped dude asks them what they are dressing up as.
Enter Ambiguously gay scene #1:
Ambiguously gay guy #1: 'I'm going as Beaver Cleaver!'
Ambiguously gay guy #2 (said with a lisp): 'And I'm going to cleave the beaver!'
Back at the drom, as the girlfriend gets ready and puts on her costume, our buddies start hanging over each other, shirtless, and feeding each other Jack Daniels.
Enter ambiguously gay scene #2:
After getting ready, they head on over to the party. The friends in ambiguously gay scene #2 come dressed, one, in his best Rob Halford garb and the other, as his awkwardly wrapped to the hilt, gimpish bitch.
Enter ambiguously gay scene #3:
Unbeknownst to them, the killer has started in on his duties with the first being the basketball team mascot. He waxes him and steals his bear costume, donning it for the remainder of the film. To round out his dastardly vehicle of death, he implants it with some knifes which extract all Wolverine snikty snikty like from his paw.
Along with the ambiguously gay duos, a few other male friends are having lady issues. The campus security guard catches on to this as we learn that his daughter was the victim of the crazed ex years ago. He'll be watching the kids like a hawk that night which will be the anniversary of her death.
The lamest college radio jockey in history kicks off that night's festivities. Not only does he have zero personality, but he plays nothing but Lovin' Spoonful's Summer In The City. On repeat. And he dishes out the 'clues' AKA 'How the fuck would anyone get that?' for the scavenger hunt. The only one I can vaguely recall is 'I'm on a beach and keep you shaded in royalty.' And somehow it leads to a tree in a graveyard. I've never been good at scavenger hunts anyways.
During the hunt, they one by one fall victim to our bear suited killer who's going all Wolvie berzerker style while shouting cries of 'whore!' and 'slut!' And our only guy who has a girlfriend, is fucking around on her while she's being terrorized by manbear suit. Douche.
Our film culminates with a final showdown in the school's cafeteria with the campus security guard in tow. Only its not the boy who murdered his daughter years ago. Instead its....dun dun dun.......his sister the lunch lady!!
This movie isn't good by any means. But you know me, I'm a sucker for this kind of shit. It's like crack.
Cortez the Killer