Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Sledgehammer (1983)

Fear 0/5
Gore 2/5
Entertainment 5/5
Creepiness 1/5
T&A Factor: 3/5

This is about as low budget as you can get folks. Shot on video, Sledgehammer is a supernatural slasher tale. It contains the requisite cast of amoral types (well, minus one virginal girl): a muscle bound jock (who's the SAME muscle bound jock in the AMAZING Aerobicide AKA Killer Workout), his rowdy trio of buddies, two slutbag friends, the aforementioned virgin and a partridge in a pear tree.

So before we get to our gaggle of goofy kids on their way out to a cabin in the middle of the California wilderness, we come find out about the history surrounding the hideaway. Apparently a whorish mom rendezvoused with her lover at the house a few years back. To get some adequate alone time, she locked her son in the upstairs bedroom. Well apparently little *Timmy didn't like it and busted out, grabbing a sledgehammer and taking down mom and her gentleman lover.

Now cut to our kids arriving at the house, we are introduced to the muscle bound jock boy and his saving herself 'til they get married girlfriend. In starts a long drawn out slow motion sequence of them frolicking through the countryside. Apparently the director thought that slow motion heightened emotional effect because its used REPEATEDLY throughout the film. This happens to be the funniest exampled, as the boyfriend uses the girl's head as a beer coaster.

Cue softcore porn music:

So our kids get to partying and boozing it up. And when I say boozing it up I mean I think these kids booze it up in this flick more than any other boozing kids in the history of boozing, trashtastic horror films. It's un-booz-lievable. They hit it straight from the bottle, so much so that it makes them fall over in their chair:

Act like a gay cowboy:

They even booze it up hardcore at the lunch hour (hey its 5 o'clock somewhere right?), so much so that it propels them into a vicious food fight:

They booze it up some more before holding a seance to resurrect the dead spirits of the couple that are believed to be still residing in the house:

Despite my genuine concern for their health, they carry on and muscle boy is in on a joke with his buddy as they pump voices via a rigged speaker throughout the house during the seance.

But the jokes on them as someone starts picking them off starting with our merry little wanking prankster!

A couple of the kids get to banging headboards and they fall victim to a figure wielding a sledgehammer.

So who is it? Is it the traumatized spirit of the little boy who'd been locked up by his whorish mother? Well yes and no. You see, little *Timmy is running around knocking off the group of alcoholics but as both himself and his transmorph-a-sized, big burly man self. Seriously. He goes Optimus Prime right in front of you but not before a healthy bitch slap to our muscle bound boy. No screen capture will do this justice. Watch this instead:

After a final standoff, the saving herself girl and her boyfriend narrowly escape the confines of the old house. And little *Timmy is shown in the upstairs room, looking out and waiting for his next set of victims.

Totally low budget and a ton o' goofy, nonsensical fun. Check out this forgotten slasher classic.

*Name made up to protect the young and not so innocent. Really, his name is never mentioned.

Cortez the Killer

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Mrs. Hall said...

"Act like a gay cowboy"

seems like a good blog name actually.

good review :)

The Vicar of VHS said...

Hilarious! I partook of the wonderment of AEROBICIDE last year for the first time, and I haven't been the same since. I'm definitely going to have to seek this one out and see if lightning strikes twice.

Great stuff!

Cortez The Killer said...

@Mrs Hall, that WOULD make for an amazing blog name.

@The Vicar, after further research, you'll be happy to know that Sledgehammer is directed by the SAME director of Aerobicide.

Dolewhite said...

Wow...I'm completely stumped and have nothing to add to any of that. You sir, dig and often find gold that makes me smile with glee.

Cortez The Killer said...

Matt, it is my honor, duty and mission good friend.

JasonVoorhees525 said...

Hey, Cortez. I've got a question to ask you.

Where in the world can I watch Sledgehammer online for free, without having to download or sign up for membership.

Please, tell me. I, for whatever reason, want to really watch this whole movie. Please tell me where I can see it online for free.

See you at Camp Crystal Lake,