Sunday, May 23, 2010

I'm Baaaaaaack!

Wow, what a whirlwind of week. I participated in holy ma-wage, had all of my family members and friends in Tejas (some of which I hadn't seen in 5+ years), and had an amazing honeymoon with the wife (it was really weird announcing her as such when meeting people on the cruise).

Before we set sail on our honeymoon, I was bummed to find out that one of the greatest heavy metal singers of all-time lost his battle with cancer. Even though he barely measures eye level with me, Ronnie James Dio had a voice that could level mountains. I never had the privilege of meeting him but by all accounts, he was as genuine and kind hearted as they come. And let's not forget, he invented the hand sign we all associate with this genre of music:


And and (I'll probably draw a lot of flack for this), he recorded THE best Black Sabbath record ever. Don't get me wrong, Ozzy is Black Sabbath. But Heaven and Hell is their strongest record by far in no small part to the better muscianship and the amazing singing of RJD.

And now for some highlights of the past week's events and festivities:

- I was so nervous before the wedding that I almost passed out. My buddy advised me that when I saw my bride walking down the aisle, it would all go away and that I'd focus strictly on her. And that it would feel like you are the only two people in the room. He was absolutely right. She floored me with how beautiful she looked.

- The reception was off the heezy fo' sheezy. Open bar + Italians + Mexicans + Jews + Catholics = people being carried out of the reception at the end of the night. Good times indeedy.

- Cruises are incredible. If you have the time and the means, I highly advise that you take one. Not only do you get to visit exotic lands and experience lots of different cultures in such a short amount of time, it is literally the most amazing people watching experience. Ever. Physical requirements should be mandatory when buying certain types of bathing suits. And banana hammocks and speedos are NEVER a good idea. Even if you're European.

- After day 3 and being about 20 Mai Tais deep, I wondered why no one has ever made a good slasher film on a cruise ship before. Just think about it: around 2,200 potential victims, you are out in the middle of the Atlantic (or other body of water) and thousands of miles away from civilization. Mix alcohol, sex, douchey people of all sorts and you have all the hallmarks and potentially interesting plot devices one could ever dream of (i.e. ridiculous cruise shows, a myriad of no-talent entertainers at all times of the day, plenty of creepy wait staff and custodians, etc.).

Anywhos, I'm glad to be back. Thanks for all the well wishes on the blog and the one's posted on Facebook. You are all amazing.

Look for some great posts coming up including the winner of our fantastical contest.

Regards,

Cortez the Killer

HorrorBlips: vote it up!

10 comments:

Strange Kid said...

Glad to hear you had a great time, Cortez! I've always wanted to take a cruise, just never made the time before.

As for finding good horror on the high seas, the only entry I can suggest would be Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan of which (as I'm sure you're well aware) 3/4s takes place on a boat en route to Manhattan.

Cortez The Killer said...

Friday part VIII was OK but could have been so much better. I'd like to see a slasher film with the highest body count ever. Hence the perfect setting with a cruise ship.

Atroxion said...

Ronnie James Dio was an amazing singer. It's sad that he's gone, but his music will definitely live on forever.

Looks like you had one hell of a trip, I never thought much of cruising trips before but you've got a good point. We really could use some slashers at sea, now that you've mentioned it.

Bryce Wilson said...

Congratulations Cortez!

Sounds like it was amazing!

Jenn said...

Awesome, dude, and congrats! I can't wait to get married in October, although I am nervous and even get nervous when people ask me about it. :)

And I think FRIDAY THE 13 PART 8: JASON TAKES MANHATTAN is a GREAT cruise ship slasher, but that's just me :)

J. Astro said...

I second Jenn's motion that FRIDAY THE 13TH Part VIII is pretty damn decent, actually.

And congratulations on all your awesome happenings!

Now get back to work reviewing some fucking horror movies. Break's over. ;)

Cortez The Killer said...

@Atroxion, his music definitely will. He's influenced so many. And I just might have to write my first script with the setting being at sea.

@Bryce, thank you good sir. It certainly was. Can't wait to go on my next cruise.

@Jenn, many thanks! Its weird how the nervousness takes hold. I wasn't nervous in a 'Oh my god, what am I doing?' sort of way. It just had to do with the finality of everything and the 'What happens next?' with life thoughts that ran through my head. You'll be OK though, I promise :)

@Jenn and J, OK, OK. I'll revisit Friday Pt. VIII, ASAP. But last I recall, it was pretty turdy. And yes sir, I'll get to reviewing STAT!

The Film Connoisseur said...

Congratulations on getting married! You reminded me of a video I saw in America's Funniest Home Videos where the groom was so nervous that he vomited, you were almost going to pass out?! I mean for real or just figuratively speaking?

Congrats Cortez!

Carl (ILHM) said...

Sounds like a really awesome time man, another big congrats from me and the wife!

Theron said...

Congratulations and felicitations, buddy! Couldn't happen to a nicer guy!