Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Fear No Evil (1981)


Fear 0/5
Gore 1/5
Entertainment 5/5
Creepiness 2/5

This movie is just plain bizarre. It contains some of the most conceptually 'What the fuck?' constructed elements that have ever graced film. Let's see:

- A completely homo erotic incarnation of Satan
- A hurling and subsequent death by dodgeball
- A profusely bleeding baby of which, there are no apparent side effects
- The most random and nonsensical suicide. Ever.
- Atari 2600 special effects with an epically incredible Jesus crucifixion and final standoff w/ our dark lord
- Zombies rising to assist the dark one in his hostile takeover of the town and with the defense of an old castle

Our film starts off with a padre smiting a person inhabited by the being who's from a little south of heaven. He's tried and committed to prison for the murder of the man despite his warnings that another will come to earth and take his place.

Flash forward a few years and we see a family at church getting their new ankle biter baptized. The yougin' gets the hippy hippy shakes and starts spewing blood everywhere before the head dousing is completed. The family doesn't think much of it. Years pass and the relationship between husband and wife start to deteriorate. It becomes apparent that their now grown up leader of the damned has a strong hold and influence over them.



The loner and outcast of the school, teenage Lucifer grows tired of being slighted and not taken seriously. In a series of bizarre events, he first makes good on the advances of his main antagonist, a guy that looks like Johnny Ramone (AKA Tony) and blares oi oi oi punk music during breaks from class. After gym class, the boys are in the locker room and showering. Johnny takes to teasing emo sweater wearing, young and sensitive Satan and pretends that he wants to kiss him while in the shower. Well you better make good on that pretend business. Because this Satan loves a good make out session with a dude for NO APPARENT REASON. His head doesn't explode. He doesn't get possessed by a demon. He just awkwardly makes out with him while their dinguses flop about in the shower and the other boys look on.


The next day, he takes out his rage on the gym coach who punishes him for being late by making him do push-ups. In a fit of Hulk rage, he unleashes his fury on the coach, getting him to rifle a dodge ball at one of the kids, knocking him into the bleachers and killing him instantly.






So what's there left to do in order to gain attention when making out with guys in the shower and killing people with a recess toy doesn't gain you proper notice? You stage a war against the townsfolk as they participate in the annual passion of the Christo reenactment and REALLY execute Jesus. From the ruins of an old castle which his old predecessor inhabited, he begins his assault by summoning a massive horde of zombies:


He causes a frenzy with the reenactment, making it more life-like than ever before:


Tony and his girlfriend show up to the castle to help out two archangels that have been hot on his trail. By this time, the side effects of Satan's makeout session become abundantly clear:


After a brief struggle and a kiss goodbye, he says 'Fuck you' to teeny McSatan and he stabs himself to death. Presumably, because he can't come to terms with the fact that he's now a woman. Or gay.






The two archangels arrive on the scene summon the power of Greyskull using an ancient staff that was used to kill the previous incarnation (who's sexual proclivities still remain in questions) and save the day:


This is one of the most bizarre and oddly entertaining horror movies I've ever seen. I'm with Emily over at The Deadly Doll's House of Horror Nonsense. You HAVE to see this movie for its qualities of sheer ridiculousness and nonsensicalness (yes, that is a word).

Cortez the Killer

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And here's my take from a couple of years ago (really, this blog has been active for a while now - kinda weird)



HorrorBlips: vote it up!

9 comments:

Strange Kid said...

...oh man, I sooo have to see this film now.

That scene is the film reminds me of Teen Wolf a little. Cheestastic!

Geof said...

LOL! This movie is so f'n weird and you wrote a worthy review of its bizarreness. I have seen it twice over the past 15 years or so and as recent as '07.

The "out of nowhere" zombies were strange. The whole homo-eroticism angle, the makeout sessions...well you pretty much said it all. But this film is straight up f'd. And why does nonsensicalness not show up on my spell check?

Emily said...

hearts and kisses, first of all.

I forget what an insanely weird movie this is. First time I watched it, i was so excited by the death-by-dodgeball that I almost forgot about Jesus, Tony's boobs, angels, and the zombies. You've done them all justice.

The Film Connoisseur said...

Damn cortez, I saw this movie as a kid in theaters, its scared the shit out of me. Specially that scene with the crucifixion scene, with the hammers and nails floating through the air killing the actor that was playing Jesus!

To top things off, its got freaking zombies too!
Totally agree with you, its insane and bizarre.

Mrs. Hall said...

Wow, who knew Satan swung that way. Well, i guess he can do what he wants, being the underlord and what not ;)

Cortez The Killer said...

@Strange Kid, its so absolutely bizarre that it can't help but be entertaining. I recommend this film to everyone. Its NOT good by any means. But it has so many 'WTF did I just see?' moments, its ridiculous.

@Geof, thanks! I think your spell check might be broken.

@Emily, mad love yo. I tried to do it justice. But I still managed to forget mentioning the scene where Satan's dad is drunk at the bar, and he keeps yelling over and over 'MY SON IS SATAN' but no one seems to care. So funny but yet, kind of sad.

@TFC, es muy loco!

@Mrs. Hall, I predict he'll be back to female hookers and blow in Fear No Evil II: Return of The Mack.

Joe Monster said...

Not to mention his hit Showtime drama "Queer As Hell."

Carl (ILHM) said...

DUDE, thanks for posting this review, I have been meaning to see FNE for years and I keep forgetting to wishlist it, just added it based on the review!

Cortez The Killer said...

@Joe Monster, zing. Good one sir.

@Carl, I'm recommending this film to everyone. Casual dinner parties, small conversation at the gas station, everyone needs to see a gay Satan. As a matter of fact, this film would make a great Broadway play.