Upon first impression, this slasher appeared to have all the staples of a classic. A guy and his gal are out in the woods, getting frisky in his parents convertible. The girl complains about him spending all of his money on beer when they could be getting it on in a nice, 'fancy' motel room. In defense, he blurts out 'You weren't complaining when you drank most of it!' Oh snap, baby likes some brewskis. After the girl tells him to put the top back up, they return to their suck face fest. Only to have it ruined moments later when some dude jumps on the roof. As they attempt to speed off, the man cuts through the vinyl roofing, pulls the boyfriend out through the top, slams him down on the hood of the car and repeatedly stabs him. Not a bad way to start things, eh?
Cut to exams week at a college and reports swirl of multiple murders across the area and other college campuses. A group of friends lament as one of the professors really had it out for them and scheduled a final exam on the weekend. Get it? Its final as in finals week and final as in it will be the last test some of these douche faces will ever take. Oh those crafty filmmaker guys!
The test putting a damper on their frat activities, the broheims scheme a way to get one of their buddies out of it. So what do you suppose they did? Pull the fire alarm, setting off the sprinklers? Call in a bomb threat? Nope, they jump out of a moving van, wearing face masks, and start blasting away with mock AK-47's.
For a moment, you think that maybe you're watching a completely different film or that the script writer said 'Fuck it, we're going Arnie Schwartzenheimer commando now.' If you were high as fuck, you'd be flipping your shit. Or in my case, drunk and hitting the rewind button multiple times to ensure the validity of my eye holes and what they were seeing. Kids fall to the ground and are shown to be 'bleeding.' Overall, a fairly well orchestrated and convincing affair. Only to discover that it was all just a joke and they coordinated the whole thing with other students on campus!
Sadly, its all down hill from here folks. The sheriff lambasts the kids for such a stunt and tell them to mind their p's and q's for the rest of the weekend. The killer at the begining of our film stalks, stalks, and does some more stalking. He hangs out on campus, heads to the lunch room, checks out the cafeteria kitchen. In between the painfully slow stalking, are the kids talking about who they have a crush on, how their going to score more drugs, who they are going to play a prank on next, yadda yadda. But nothing EVER happens.
So when the kills finally kick in about another half an hour later, most occur offscreen, with very little fanfare or worse yet, nearly zero blood. After some more painfully slow stalking, the climax with the final girl happens, and some random hillbilly shows up with a bow and arrow. But instead of saving the day, he gets waxed by the killer. The girl then knocks the killer over the railing at the top of a flight of stairs. Game over. So who's the killer you ask? Who the fuck knows, its NEVER explained. I re-wound the film to see if I missed anything in my semi-conscious, drunken state and I didn't. This slasher film missed the mark after starting off so promisingly. Balls.
Cortez the Killer