I'm going to preface this review by saying that I am absolutely terrified by the prospect of having kids. I'm getting married in about 3 months and the soon to be missus wants to have a little ankle biter in about two years. Not only is the world a fucked up place right now, I just can't stand them. Yeah they're cute and what not but have you SEEN kids today? I want to dole out haymakers left and right. The way they treat their parents, their me first attitudes and sense of entitlement. Not too mention, they are each mini versions of you and me and have their own potential for proclivities as it relates to beng evil. Which brings us to this film. It is my worst nightmare times a thousand.
A family is getting together in the Enligsh countryside for their annual Jolly St. Fatass celebration. Complete with their band of rugrats, they settle in to the cozy cabin-like home out in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by woods and snow. Its not long before a couple of kids start coughing and puking up some phlegmy stuff. The parents don't seem to pay any mind and despite the kids and their wildly erratic behavior, they just turn the other way until things go to 11 and they start getting increasingly more violent. And you know that shit is about to go down when you see them dish out CareBear stares:
So the kids start off their assault on their family members by sending their uncle down an embankment on a slead, coming to a stop when it runs into one of their Radio Flyers that has a pronged garden hoe affixed to it. His head splits open, he bleeds to death, while the kids stand around and continue to stare. From here on out, the kids get more and more vicious and nasty using the lure of their perceived innocence to reel in their family only to brutally trick, maim and murder them.
Throughout the film, you are left wondering what is it exactly thats infected these kids and made them go all haywire. Its never fully explained but there are a couple of interesting things that make you wonder. For one, one of the fathers works at a lab so maybe you think that he brought something home with him. Secondly, as the film nears the end, you see other kids in the woods, staring down a pair of family members who are trying to make their escape. So there is a thought that maybe it has something to do with the woods themselves. Lastly, different character flaws are revealed about each parent, from the uncle who wants to get into the knickers of his niece to the sisters that squabble and claim each other as being unfit mothers. You get the sense that maybe the kids are on some kind of fucked up mission to right the wrongs of their parents.
Even though nothing is ever explained, this film is edge of your seat, pulse racing madness. Its absolutely brilliant. And its also an incredibly terrifying movie watching experience altogether. Not only because of the creepy kid factor (cliched yes, but it works here to great effect), but also because of the brutal and mean spirited ways in which they off their family members. Fuck having kids, I'll stick with dogs.
Cortez the Killer