T&A Factor 3/5
Are all Italian horror films (moreso zombie in particular) completely nonsensical or what? Zombie Holocaust is no exception and its a stupendously stupid affair, one that simultaneously makes you think that your head will explode by the copius amount of plot shifts and it leaves you scratching it by the sheer number of dumb decisions that the characters make.
The pelicula starts off with a group of student researchers who experiment with human cadavers, wondering who in the hey is ransacking their subjects and eating their organs. One night, the researchers and head doctor stumble upon one of the students who's elbows deep in someone's chesticular cavity, and upon finding out that he's been discovered, he bolts and jumps out the 10 or so story high window and plummets to his end. So badly edited is the film, that the dude's stunt dummy comes apart upon impact and an arm flies away from the rest of the body. But in the next scene, he's completely intact. D'oh!
Anywhos, along with one of the student researchers who's a scorchingly hot blonde (and the film makes every ample usage of said hotness with multiple changing out of clothes scenes) partners with a local investigator. Why this student and no other is anyones guess. I'm pretty sure she's in it just for the T&A factor. As a matter of fact, I'm 110% sure she's in it just for the T&A factor. Looky here:
So the investigator learns that the guy is from a small island and is part of an ancient tribe of cannibals. Why he was hiding out as a student researcher in New York, again, is anyones guess. He coaxes the woman into going with him on his investigation (she also double majored in anthropology, imagine that!) to the island and she agrees. Seems like case closed to me, dear Watson. Man feasts on cadaver parts, is happened upon doing so, and he promptly plunges to his death. Nope. Instead, let's go track down this ancient cannibal tribe on a remote island. Um, yeah that's the ticket.
They get to the island, and sure enough, run into the tribe. Along with some other investigators and guides, the group starts getting picked off one by one. A team of zombies enter the picture (yup, totally random) and save the lead investigator and student researcher/anthropologist from the cannibals.
After being saved by the heroic zombies (hey, there's a concept to add to the over saturated genre, zombie superheroes!), they take safe haven with a local 'doctor' on the island. The doctor is revealed to be hiding out on the island, performing experiments on the inhabitants, which includes the taking out of old people's brains and inserting them into younger bodies to counteract the aging process. Instead of making old people young again in new bodies, he's instead creating zombies who exert some human behaviors along with a penchant for chowing down on mammalian flesh.
Foiling their attempt to leave, the doctor takes the invesitgator hostage but the woman escapes. Somehow convincing the cannibals that she is a goddess (again totally random), she turns them against the doctor, free the investigator and both are saved. Hooray!
A cross between Cannibal Holocaust and The Island of Dr. Moreau, Zombie Holocaust is truly a bad movie but in an oh-so-good way. It also has a heaping portion of cheese, gore, and boobies. What more could you ask for? And no Italian horror flick would be complete without a requisite eye gouging:
Cortez the Killer