Friday, October 30, 2009

The Video Dead (1987)

Fear 1/5
Gore 5/5
Entertainment 5/5
Creepiness 2/5

Great Odin's raven! This has to be the best worst zombie movie I have ever seen. Really. It has all the necessary ingredients for a painfully delicious shit-sandwich: uber awful dialogue, gore galore, and a completely non-sensical plot. Are you ready to take a bite of said butt deli delight? It always goes down smooth.

A pair of delivery drivers drop off a boob tube to an alcoholic writer who immediately proclaims that he doesn't watch TV. Who the hell would be sending him such a contraption? One who was looking to get rid of it of course! He switches on the TV but when nothing but a scene from a zombie movie follows from channel turn to channel turn, he unplugs the chord from the wall and heads to bed. Who needs a power chord when it comes back on by itself, becoming a 32 inch' portal of the undead! So what does the zombie do to the resident of the house? Does he rip the man limb from limb, feasting on his bodily innards? No, no. He slits his throat, straps him to a chair and to add insult to injury, puts on a party favor hat and inserts a cigarette. A zombie with a sense of humor folks! A cha cha cha!

After removal of said hog tied body, the house goes on the market a few months later and is bought by a family living in Saudi Arabia. Their kids are living in the states and are tasked with moving everything into the new home for mom and dad. After a day of heavy moving, at the dinner table that evening, the teenage son inquires about the major of his college age sister.

The exchange goes something like this:

Brother: 'So what are you majoring in?' (said in an extremely snarky manner)
Sister: 'I'm majoring in aerobics.'
Brother: (promptly spitting out his dinner onto the plate in front of him)
Sister: 'It may not be higher education, but it’s a degree! And I’m taking it very seriously.'
Brother: 'I’m almost afraid to ask you what your minor is.'
Sister: 'Music videos.'

Yes, this brilliant exchange, along with a handful of laugh out loud and awesomely bad other ones, occurs in the flick.

The brother comes across the housing unit of the undead one day after hearing a voice call out to him from the attic. Of course, he brings it down and plugs it in and watches the same zombie film. After an intense night of reefer madness and subsequent passing out, the contents are fully let out and all the zombies are unleashed upon the neighborhood. And in their sweeping carnage, they dump an elderly woman head first into an already spin cycling washer machine. For shame!

The man who shipped the TV comes out from good ol' Texas to destroy the unit, apologizing profusely for shipping it out in the first place. He bands with the dopey brother, his sister and the next door neighbor to do some zombie huntin'.

Using the bro as bait, they start knocking off the zombies but when one of them figures out how to use a chainsaw (they have a sense of humor AND they can use mechanized devices!) all hell breaks loose. The grand finale finds the sister befriending the zombies after she learns that they attack because they can sense fear. Like a bear and the menstrual cycle! But when one of them catches on to her clever ruse, she narrowly escapes their attack and ends up in the hospital. Only it doesn't stop there. Mom and dad show up and wheel the TV into her room to keep her company. Zoinks!

This finely plated zombie turdfest almost, ALMOST passes the amazing awefulness of Hard Rock Zombies. Chalk up another film reviewed with both Shit-Sandwich AND Recommended tags. You need to see this film.

Cortez the Killer


Iloz Zoc said...

Definitely one of my favorites. So bad it hurts, but in a funny way.

Cortez The Killer said...

Indeed sir. Indeed.

Matt-suzaka said...

I wouldn’t be so mad if every channel had a zombie film on it…unless that zombie movie was Automaton Transfusion, of course. The blood going into the sink from the washing machine is pure gold! I was sold on this one the minute I saw that VHS box art…how I am not aware of this film is surprising and I must see it now! Where the hell did you watch this?!

Planet of Terror said...

Matt, its not on DVD so you need to do a little webernets sleuthing (try Cinemageddon). Or you can email me and I'd be happy to send you a copy.

the jaded viewer said...

This and The Dead Next Door are my favorite bad zombie movies of the VHS era.