Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Madhouse (1981)

Fear 1/5
Gore 3/5
Entertainment 4/5
Creepiness 3/5

The film centers around a woman who teaches at a school for the deaf. Its nearing her annual celebration of her birthing, when she receives a call from her uncle who's a priest. Uncle priesty encourages her to go to the hospital to visit her lonely twin sister. When she arrives, she finds that the serious skin disease that is turning her into Pizza the Hut is only getting worse and she has very little time to make amends with her for past trangressions. Upon entering her room, she walks over to her bed only to be run out by the sister's screaming claims of 'I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog too', minus the little dog part because she doesn't have one. But the whacked out sister certainly does!

Lemme explain (as best as I can anyways because the plot is a little muddled). She begins to tell her boyfriend the terrible history between them both, saying that her sister put her through all kinds of torment growing up (putting out matches on her, jabbing her with needles, you know, normal kid stuff). She could never stand up for herself for fear of being attacked by her evil sister's watch/attack dog and it wasn't until her sister became sick and confined to a hospital, that she could actually escape the neverending torment. And why might you ask was the evil sis tormenting the seemingly sweet, school for the deaf teacher? Because she didn't like sharing her birthday with her, duh!

The evil sis blows the popsicle stand (aka hospital) and her dog assistant promptly shows up. Wow, all those years and the dog knew EXACTLY where she was hiding out. Amazing! How this dog came to be in the care of the evil sister is never really explained but the fact that it hangs with her only lends more creedence to her being one whacked out bitch. The dog carries out the dirty work of the crazed sis, killing friends, and setting the stage for a pretty creepy ending. The canine killing machine rips off limbs and tears out necks in pretty brutal fashion and the scenes are gorifically delightful. The only kill doled out by the nutty sister is the superintendant (who's given every Asian stereotype in the book) who's come by to do work on her sister's pad.

Between all the killings, the good sis makes it out to church to hear one of her uncle's sermons. He goes all fire and brimstoney, telling all in the congregation that if you have a younger sister (nevermind whether or not you have a brother, pfffttttttt....), you should cherish that relationship and do all that you can to be there for her. Guess who he's talking about?

The film closes out with a planned 'surprise birthday party' in the basement of the sister's apartment, orchestrated by the cuckoo sister, her killer dog and guess who? That's right, uncle priestly decides that the Lord's work extends to offing folks in the name of sisterly bondage. Or something like that. He helps set up the party, tying all of the dead victims together and positioning them around the table, party favors and all. The sister is lead downstairs to join in on the festivities and the sister again lets into her with 'I'll get you....' blatherings while the uncle prances around singing nursery rhymes. Creepy indeed. The boyfriend crashes the party and has to fend off the canine guardian who goes after him, taking a power drill to the dog's noggin'. Blimey! The girl escapes in a fairly anti-climactic fashion after her sister and uncle are deed (::said in a Scottish accent::), and the film abruptly ends.

A very entertaining and at times, completely ridiculous mess. Other than sharing a birthday, why was the sister so cracked out? No traumatic childhood or familial molestings to speak of, she just plain did not like sharing her birthday. What a self-centered brat. Anywhos, the soundtrack is pretty stellar, the doggie kill scenes fairly gnarly and the villains ooze Velveeta shells and cheese. Dig this one up if you can find it. This movie is prime USDA grade remake material.

No trailer for this one. It was removed from YouTube. Poop. But our friends over at Tower Farm Reviews also liked it. And they know good cheesedick horror.

Cortez the Killer

1 comment:

Al Bruno III said...

Never ever heard of this one. I will have to keep an eye out for it.

Great blog as always.