Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Zombie Ninja Gang Bangers (1997)



Fear 0/5
Gore 1/5
Entertainment 1/5
Creepiness 0/5


'To me, bad taste is what entertainment is all about. If someone vomits while watching one of my films, it's like getting a standing ovation. But one must remember that there is such a thing as good bad taste and bad bad taste.'

- John Waters

I post the above quote before my review of this film because I actually agree with dear ol' Johnny boy here. And this film definitely fits into the later description of what constitutes as a truly bad movie with extremely bad taste.

This movie is set up for one purpose and one purpose only: to see a woman raped (and repeatedly so) by a zombie or in this case multiple members of the undead. Never mind the physiological limitations that one would think comes with being a member of the undead (i.e. a non-existant willy). This movie has little or no thought behind plot construction and at the end of the day we are left with a one trick pony.

I'm going to give a long and short of it here as I think if I spent too much time, I would in some way justify the existence of this piece of shit. A stripper who becomes a lady of the night after her shift to make some extra coin is raped by two zombies on her way out to her car one night. She calls her friend and talks to a police officer the next day, both of which chalk it up to her being a drugged out crack whore.

After another night at the club, she is thrown out in a severly drunken and rambling state and is again raped by zombies. Grown tired of the multiple rapings, she bands together with a kid who was attacked by the zombies on the way home from school one day. They find the mad scientist behind this mess, he has 'retired' as the owner of an indie movie video store and they beg him to make them a ninja version of the walking dead to protect them. No shit. He messes that experiment up too and when this zombie (who's wacked out, dressed like a court jester, and makes really annoying jokes) also tries to rape the girl, she freaks out, runs into a horde of zombies who inexplicably show up, she's killed instead of raped, the-fucking-end.
Ok, so I do have to admit that there were two pretty funny scenes. When she first meets with her friend to tell her about the raping, she gets severely frustrated by the fact that her friend isn't taking her seriously and exclaims 'You don't know what its like to be raped. By zombies.' The timing was hilarious. The other was during the 2nd rape scene and a Japanese tourist (the film is set in LA, BTW) starts snapping away pictures as the deed is going down. One of the zombies bowls him over and starts ripping him apart. I'm not trying to make light of rape here folks, but its funny.

If you can stand all of the aforementioned, in the end, its just not worth the last two scenes described. Oh, and the guys that were dressed like zombies, had shoe polish on their faces and growled and grunted like gorillas. They couldn't even get the characterization of zombies fucking right. This flick is the epitome of a shitty film coupled with extremely poor taste.

No trailer or clip for this one. Just do yourself a favor and avoid it.

Cortez the Killer

2 comments:

Robert Ring said...

I'm so glad to read a proper review of this movie. I heard of it via Jamie Russell's Book of the Dead. Sounds pretty awful. Where were you able to find a copy?

Planet of Terror said...

At Hollywood's forgotten films, AKA Cinemageddon.org. Check it out. Totally awesome.