Friday, July 24, 2009

Trick or Treats (1982)


Fear 0/5
Gore 0/5
Entertainment 0/5
Creepiness 0/5

Not to be confused with the demonically awesome rock n' roll fest that was Trick or Treat (peep here), this film is an absolute snorefest. A total paint by numbers horror flick that even in the end, the director realized he couldn't get that right and a random 'surprise' is thrown in to try and save face.

The film starts off with a married couple lounging poolside enjoying their morning breakfast. The doorbell rings and the wife answers. Two dudes in white jump suits are standing at the front with some loony bin jackets and the wife leads them to the back patio. They approach the husband who's like 'What the hey?' and as he attempts to run off, they go after him and all three fall into the backyard pool. The loony bin guys subdue and bind him and haul him off to the crazy place without any particular rhyme or reason.

Flash forward a few years and the wife has remarried and they have a little rugrat. Its Halloween night and the wife and husband (played for a mere 5 minutes by David Carradine) are headed out for a night on the town. Awkwardly, the husband makes a sexual advance towards the babysitter and as the wife enters the living room, he tries to coyly play it off. They then leave and the babysitter is left with one mischievous little duder who's been instructed by his mom not to go out for Halloween. Geez, first you put your old husband in a loony bin for no apparent reason and then you don't let your kiddo go out for Halloween? I'm pretty sure you are Satan incarnate. The kid plays prankster all night long, driving the babysitter batty as he pretends to kill himself (fake drowning in the pool, slitting his throat, you know, normal kid stuff).

Split away and we find the locked up old husband talking about his situation to one of his loony friends at the sanitarium. He vows to get out and says tonight he will be 'Adios A-Mi-Go.' Get it? So he busts out after posing as a female nurse, wig, uniform and all, and heads to his old digs. By this time, a friend of the babysitter has come to the house and the ONLY kill in the movie is hers. Because of the absolute poor quality of the film and with barely any light in the house, we don't even see how he kills her. The goofy kiddo has a real working guillotine (what kid doesn't?) in his room, he trips up the guy, he slips in and the kid hacks off his head. This movie is so low budg' they don't even bother to show that! Lame.

By the end of the film its like the director realized he had one turdtastically plated piece of shit and decided that maybe a complete 'shocker' of an ending would be a saving grace. After the killer is waxed, the babysitter gets on a phone to call her friend (really, who does that? you just whacked someone for Christ's sake). As she begins to tell her friend about her horrific night, the little rascal she's been watching jumps over the top of the living room chair, is freeze framed mid-air, screeching music blares, fade to black.

I think this beats out The Majorettes for worst horror movie I've ever seen. At least that flick had some Karo syrupy blood to go along with an absolutely ridiculous plot. This movie is so shitty I couldn't even find a trailer for it.

Cortez The Killer

2 comments:

Tower Farm said...

Shame this movie sucks...the cover art is wonderful!
-Billy

Cortez the Killer said...

Totally what I thought too (and entirely misleading).

Love your guys blog, BTW.