Today comes the announcement of a Fright Night remake. And the 'intention' is to keep the horror-comedy angle in tact. Thanks fucktwits, I appreciate the consideration. Look, I'm all for bringing a younger generation into the fold when it comes to horror movies and I feel that in most regards, that is why these movies are being remade. But a cheesy slasher is a cheesy slasher. Why do they need to remake old, beloved classics? I mean the formula is pretty simple. Group of douchey kids, some psycho maniac that has some sort of mommy or daddy issues, hacks them to shit by any means necessary, rinse, repeat.
When done right, the remake can be serviceable (see the Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Dawn of the Dead). But by and large, most have sucked donkey nuts mainly due to the director's own dick stroking wankery. Complaint Dept. said it best. Its like saying, "Yeah, that Mona Lisa painting is pretty good, but I bet I could do it better." Such arrogant horseshit. The reason why some of these movies fail so miserably is that they try and put a new 'spin' on the character, somehow thinking the previous great incarnation just wasn't good enough. We have to dumb them down by exploring their 'human' side or recast a group of completely unlikeable kids that are hip with this generation to appeal to a new audience (and we don't give a shit about a single one of them when they get offed). Are you exhausted yet? Because I sure as fuck am.
Cortez The Killer