Monday, March 9, 2009

The Backwoods (2006)

Fear 0/5
Gore 1/5
Creepiness 0/5
Entertainment 2/5

Snoozy little Spanish movie that proves big talent doesn't always equal big entertainment. I love Gary Oldman and I think Paddy Considine is awesome (see "In America" -his Irish brogue is very convincing) but this is a dud. Just dull and boring.

Story is a familiar one - two couples having marital troubles decide to chuck the city life and move out to "the backwoods" to get away from it all and. . . fuck who knows- rekindle their romance or something? It's never really made clear. Anyway, the city folk start clashing with the country folk who are portrayed as dirty, toothless inbreds who'd just as soon shoot you as welcome you in. The two dudes go out hunting while the two ladies start taking of their clothes for no reason. And pouring water across the front of their t-shirts.

Okay okay, I know, this sounds like a good movie. And so far it's mildly intriguing. But then the two dudes stumble across an old house and decide to bust in the door because. . . uh well it's not really clear. Anyway, locked inside they find a little girl covered in her own filth and sporting two foam rubbery clubs for hands. She also grunts and squeals like a little pig. Please note this is the second Spanish film I have seen in two weeks about feral children. What the fuck is going on in Spain?

So the dudes decide to take the girl and get her to the cops. Meanwhile, the toothless country folk come around looking for the missing girl and things deteriorate into a second rate and European version of Deliverance - minus the man-love.

But here's the thing - this could have been interesting and could have been good. All the elements are there, but somehow this just comes across like a flat Coke. All syrup and no fizz. The ending, in particular, is very disappointing. It leaves you feeling like you just wasted an hour and a half of your life. Which I did. But I'll give them this - that kid is one ugly little runt.

Suck it Jim Gordon.

- Complaint Dept

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