Monday, February 23, 2009

ESKALOFRIO (2008)

Fear 1/5
Gore 1/5
Creepiness 1/5
Entertainment 2/5

The hype around this was that someone involved with the production of Pans Labirynth was involved with this. That should have been my first sign that this was going to be be a dud (not because PL is a bad movie, it's not at all, just that hype is always "just hype"). The poster also has "creepy" small girl with white eyes, another sign. As we've pointed out several times on this blog, the fine folks at PlanetOfTerror are not really big on children as horror props. It rarely works despite the general population's infatuation with the subject matter. Maybe it's because none of us have kids. Maybe it's because none of us really like kids. Dunno.

Anyway, the basic premise of Eskalofrio is kind of weak to begin with: This teenage kid has a strange disease that makes him break out in a rash when exposed to sun (apparently a real condition - yikes) and is bullied around in school because of this. His mother moves herself and the kid out to this remote village in Northern Spain that is situated at the bottom of a valley that is nearly 100% covered in fog and mist. Sunlight allergy solved. Hooray!

However, it turns out that the kid continues to get bullied around because, apparently, he's also just a dweeb (cut to several shots of him reading comic books). Meanwhile, out in the woods, "something" is killing off sheep and, from time to time, kids who bully the dweeb around. The remainder of the film is spent following the dweeb, his Jack Black / Hesher buddy, and his sort-of girlfriend as they attempt to solve the mystery. It's a bit too similar to Scooby Doo and, in fact, at one point one of the "grown ups" says something pretty much along the lines of "and it would have worked if you meddling kids hadn't of stuck your nose into things."

P.S. - the mystery is that it's a feral child. Running around the woods naked killing sheep and people. And it develops a totally unexplained attachment and fondness for the dweeb. Dumb. Not scary. Dumb. Oh, and the ending - uh, even dumber.

There is a nice scene where the feral kid is sneaking around the house that is kind of scary. Kind of...barely. Not really.

- Complaint Dept

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