Lindsay Lohan Factor 5/5
I really wanted to hate this movie. A good buddy of mine who also loves this celebrated genre of film that we review on this site, highly recommended it (and with a straight face). In all honesty, I had not heard anything about it since it came out, not even giving it a chance due to my assumption that because of Ms. Lohan's involvement, it would automatically bring the suck. Well surprise surprise, not necessarily a classic by any means, but this film definitely entertained.
So like most other teen horror films, Lindsay Lo is the stereotypical: loved and adored, popular girl in school with seemingly no imperfections. After a high school football game, she inexplicably disappears and her friends and boyfriend frantically search for her. She awakens to find herself strapped to a table, with a smorgasboard of cutting utensils lined on a tray beside her. But these are no ordinary blades or saws. Throughout the room that she is held captive in, blown glass figures hang from the ceiling. Each cutting instrument is fashioned in odd ways: some long, some short, some are jagged and others are smooth and all are made out of glass. A masked man enters the picture and begins to cut his way through her arm and leg.
LL awakens to find herself with family and friends around her, only she has no idea who the hell any of them are. They call her by name and she quizzically looks at them as if they are all smoking from the same collective crack pipe. She tears off her blanket to reveal that she is missing her right hand and leg. The family takes her home, all the while in denial that this is her family and she is not the person who they claim her to be.
A hokey but entertaining Scooby Doo plot unfolds with a detective seeking to find 'the truth' (and some amazing dialogue is provided by him), Ms. Lohan who continues to deny she is who they say she is (and boy oh boy, some hot scenes with her on a stripper pole), a killer who stalks women and ends them in the same fashion that Ms. Lohan almost succumbed to, and an ending that actually surprised the hell out of me. Yes, a movie with Lohan that has a 'surprise' ending and an involving plot. My buddy said it best: 'its like the Parent Trap but with gore'.
Cortez the Killer
Cortez the Killer