Saturday, March 15, 2008

Bruiser (2001)

Fear 0/5
Gore 1/5
Entertainment 1/5
Creepiness 0/5

Terrible, awful movie that comes across as though it were made for the Lifetime network. Mr. Romero, please, for the love of cheese, stick with zombies and try not to stray. 

Bruiser is a sad and amateurish blend of film noir detective stuff and paranormal psycho killer stuff - like Orson Welles and Dario Argento mixed with an unhealthy dose of mental retardation. It follows a corporate middle manager who is pushed around by his douchebag Euro boss, his sleazy whore wife and his thieving best friend/accountant. He wakes up one morning with his face blanked out into a solid white mask (symbolizing his rebirth and lack of established identity) and begins to kill each of them off in slow, bloodless ways. 

It's boring, poorly acted, lacking in style, and has terrifyingly bad dialogue - not to mention a long and drawn out (and embarrassing) cameo by everyone's favorite has-beens, The Misfits (minus Glenn of course who was off pumping iron and buying Rogaine). I have nothing more to say about this turd. Skip. 

- Complaint Department

No comments: