Thursday, February 21, 2008

Invasion (2007)

Fear 0/5
Gore 0/5
Entertainment 0/5
Creepiness 0/5
Worthless Remake Factor: This Shit Goes to 11

Pure contemptible wrath and seething fury is what I was feeling after watching this film. If I was strong enough, I would have picked up my 51 inch TV and thrown it out the god damn window. Absolute cock knockery was to be had in this film and I feel like I was flim flammed.

Thinking this film was completely original I rented it, hoping it might be a taut thriller, a new spin on the age old story of alien invasion and the taking over the minds of helpless earthlings. Much to my dismay, I found out that it was just another in a long line of worthless remakes. This immediately irritated the shit out of me and I almost decided not to watch it based on this fact alone (before I popped the DVD in, I read the back cover to find this out, Doh!).

I won't even bother with the story as it pretty much follows the course of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, a brilliant, original and for its time period, a pretty scary flick that I reviewed a few months back (looky here). This movie is a complete and utter shell of that film, eschewing its simplicity and genuinely creepy moments for some semblance of 'originality' and modern Hollywood bravado.

What this film attempted to do was to be 'original' in its twist on the original film by revealing a resolution. What made the Invasion of the Body Snatchers so effective was that there was no real resolution, no Hollywood happy ending and that people actually believed that something like this could happen when they exited the theater. Not in this complete turdfest, oh no no. A boy with super immunity from the chicken pox (yes, the fucking chicken pox) is also found to have immunity from this disease that infects people as they sleep. So a scientist takes his blood, creates a serum, and YAY, happy ending as the world is saved!

This movie will give you a case of tourette's and make you hold back the desire to throw a blunt object through your television. But hey, at least the director found a way to make Nicole Kidman look somewhat attractive and less like a walking version of Skeletor.

Cortez the Killer

1 comment:

Complaint Department said...

Sooooo, you didn't this one then?