Monday, April 30, 2007

Captivity Trailer is up

The trailer for Captivity is up - go to it here.

If you are unfamiliar with the film, it's the one that's been stirring up controversy due to the lame marketing that occur ed "by accident" through After Dark Films (Lionsgate). Frankly, it looks pretty fucking dumb to me. But then, I like ZZ Top.
- Complaint Dept.

Friday the 13th Part VIII (1989)

FEAR - 0
GORE - 0

I need to preface this by saying that I do have a fever and I stayed home from work today. This is the only reason I would ever attempt to watch this movie. I'm sure everyone knows how bad this movie is, but here goes...

So, the movie starts out with Jason being resurrected by bright blue electric charges brought on by an anchor dragging along the bottom of Crystal Lake, which confusingly enough looked an awful lot like Vancouver (I later found out it was). After spreading some really fake blood around a boat with a couple of naked teenagers (and actually missing a shot at the girl with a harpoon when he's about 5 feet away from her...this is THE Jason, right?), he hops on a cruise ship of graduating Seniors going to Manhattan. The guy working on board as the creepy ship-mate proclaims, "This voyage is doomed. DOOMED". Hmmm. Thank God there was a cool 80's dance scene to enjoy shortly thereafter.

So, the movie had some awesome silk shirts, bad perms, high-waisted jeans, a "Metal" music video (the girl making the video was killed by her own guitar coincidentally) and even a steaming rock shoved through a guy's stomach who only bled from the heart. After the prom queen and Asian valedictorian snorted coke, I was out. That's all I got through and I never plan on finishing it. Sorry. Buzzkill of a review.
I'd also like to point out that I not only took a shower after this movie when I was home alone in the house but I also have all the lights turned out. I did check under the bed, but only because I always do when I'm home alone. You never know who or what is under there...
Posted by: Hex

The GraveDancers (2006)

Fear 0-5: 3 (only the first half hour)
Gore 0-5: 1
Creepiness 0-5: 2
Entertainment: 0-5: 1
Nightmare: 0-5: 0

Before I review another movie from this series, let me preface it with how this whole series was billed. I could not wait until this series came out. It did not show in any local theaters here in Dallas and was advertised as a series of horror movies, 'too extreme' for mainstream audiences. Finally, a return to good ol' fashioned gore, sick and twisted movies so disturbing, the images will stay with you long after the credits role (i.e. see 'I Spit On Your Grave'). Instead what I've seen thus far is stuff produced for the mass consumption of the teeny bopper mall rats with barely a PG-13 rating. This is the 4th movie in the series to be reviewed on this here site and so far, my sentiments echo those of Mr. K Murphy. Think of a horror cliche and I'm sure you'll find it.

The GraveDancers involve a group of grieving friends, upset that one of their childhood friends has died young by way of car accident. After a night of drinking, they decide to visit their friend's grave. One of the friends finds a 'mysterious' note that has been left at the gravesite. Upon reading the contents of the note, the friends decide to do a drunken jig on the resting places of the buried inhabitants because thats what you do when you read a weird letter that tells you to do so. Apparently dancing on graves is a big no-no and they come to find out that their night of Dance Party USA has unleashed the spirits within. The ghosts hitch a ride home and begin to reek havoc on their lives.

I'll admit, the first 1/2 hour of this movie was pretty damn good. Some genuinely creepy moments especially one that involved a hospital waiting room. But then the movie sharply turns and its like the damn script was hijacked. Someone beat up the original script writer because they thought it would be a good idea to make a quasi sci-fi flick mixed with a really bad episode of Scooby Doo. I was waiting for Shaggy to jump out to pull the mask off of one of the ghosts, only to find out it was old man Withers. Mix in some additionally crappy CGI and you have some seriously bad shit that would make George Lucas puke. So for those of you keeping track at home, that's 4 flicks down with 4 more to go. Lets hope there is one diamond in the rough.

Posted by: Cortez the Killer
Fear: 0/5
Gore: 1/5
Entertainment: 1/5
Creepiness: 0/5
Nightmares: 0/5
Cheeze: 3/5
Stupid, formulaic, by the books. There's a scene where a coffin stands on end by itself and you can see the string pulling it up clear as day. That kind of movie. The kind where a big CGI skull thingy comes crashing through buildings like God in Time Bandits, but worse and cheesier. Doo Doo. I saw it on Fearnet and "Miss Horrorfest" interviewed the director. I fast forwarded, but I hope she asked "So, are you embarrassed by the movie?" And I hope he said "Yes, deeply."
Complaint Department.

Unrest (2006)

Fear 0-5: 1

Gore 0-5: 2

Creepiness 0-5: 2

Entertainment 0-5: 1

Nightmare 0-5: 0

Yet another flick in the '8 Movies to Die For' series, Unrest centers on first year med students who have the heebie jeebies when working on their first human dissection. The premise is great: set in a creepy hospital with a hot looking female med student who feels something is amiss with the body her group has been assigned. Weird occurrences and 'feelings' plague the young med student, driving her to the brink of insanity. She becomes so consumed with what happened to this gal, that she does everything in her power to find out where she came from, how she died, and why everyone around her that comes in contact with the stiff meets a perilous fate.

Sounds great right? The problem lies in the really really bad dialogue, a girl that in any other normal circumstances would be considered a paranoid schizophrenic, and a story that makes absolutely no sense. We come to find out that the body came from Brazil, it was possessed by an ancient Aztec god, she committed suicide as a result and her soul can not rest until it is buried in the land from whence she came. Sounds great but the execution was just plain dumb. How the hell this won the best picture in the Chicago festival for horror flicks is beyond me. It must have been the only entry.

Posted by: Cortez the Killer

* * * *

Fear: 1, Gore: 2, Creepiness: 3, Entertainment: 2, Nightmares: 0

OK, so I did not dislike this film the way Cortez the Killer did, but I will agree that it shouldn't have won any awards. The film was obviously pretty low budget, but still was able to pull off some gruesome gore effects. The cadavers were pretty gross (and despite the trailer's claim that real bodies were used, I haven't been able to find anything online to confirm that...unless "real bodies" means real live actors) and some of the dissection scenes were a bit icky. Additionally there are some scenes where the students have to "fish" floating cadavers from a large plexi-glass container using giant dental hooks and that bothered me for some reason - possibly because the guy who wrote and directed the film was, supposedly, a med student who tried to make these scenes as real as possible. Again, who knows if any of this stuff actually happens.

I also liked that the ghosts or whatever that were fuckin' shit up never materialized which could have been bad. And here I'll disagree with Cortez and say that the premise was not a good one - it was dopey. The execution, however, wasn't bad. The atmosphere was there, the acting was passable (the dialogue was bad, that's for sure) and the tension level rose a few times making things interesting. But the ending was just too, what the fuck?

- Complaint Dept

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Turistas (2006)

Fear 0 - 5: 1
Gore 0 - 5: 3
Creepiness 0 - 5: 0
Entertainment 0 - 5: 2
Nightmare 0 - 5: 0

I should have fucking known better. I have been let down more oftentimes than not by reviews given by Fangoria magazine.

There have been many comparisons made to Hostel and some have remarked that movies like this, are signaling a return to 'extreme' horror (some even going so far as to say that its a harken back to the 1970's). Hostel had its moments but on the whole, the characters are what drove me nuts while watching it. Completely devoid of any substance and acting like they were casted for the next Real World 25. I was severly annoyed that the first hour of the movie was these douchebags running around trying to find any chick to sleep with. I thought it was a really bad remake of Porky's but with more gore. But the torture scenes were great and creative so the flick definitely redeemed itself with this reviewer in the end.

Much like Hostel, Turistas concerns a group of horny, American college kids that drink alcohol like its the cure for diabetes. The scene is Brazil instead of eastern Europe and the kids are of the same mold as the 3 jerkoffs in Hostel only multiply that number by 3. The kids drink to a stupor every night only to find out that they are actually being 'poisoned' by the inhabitants of surrounding villages. There are a few good scenes of gory goodness as we come to find out that the villagers are organ harvesters, preying on retarded college kids. Again, like Hostel, Turistas had its moments but there was nothing at all to really redeem this in the end. Its hard to recommend this but I've seen worse.

Posted By: Cortez the Killer

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Wicked Little Things (2006)

Another film in the "8 Films to Die For" series, Wicked Little Things is a mildy entertaining, if by the numbers, zombie movie that has a moment or two worth viewing.

The story is a familiar one - mom brings her two daughters out to the long abandoned rural family farmhouse to start over after some drama-inducing tragedy leaves the family bonds strained. The older daughter is rebellious and judgmental, listens to bad metal with her Trans Am driving friends and generally has a bad attitude. The younger daughter is wide-eyed and naive, optimistic and carries a dolly around with her whenever she wanders into the spooky woods on her own.

The town has an even spookier past as it is the site of a long forgotten mine shaft disaster where a number of children were killed in an "accident". The dead children now roam the woods at night as the living undead, zombies who feed on pigs left by crazed, rosary praying hillbillies who also spend a fair portion of their time twitching their eyes and painting house doors with blood.

You name the horror movie cliche, and it's probably in this one. The story is very predictable, stocked with loads of fake scares, bad dialogue and goofy characters. The ending is exactly as you expect it would be and when it's all over you really didn't have to do a whole lot of thinking at all.

My last point of criticism is something I share with The Fucking Beard which is that children are hard to work into a scary movie with any level of success. The idea of violating the innocence that all kids have is harder to pull off than it might sound because it's just too obvious. While I like the idea of kids as flesh-eating zombies killing horny teenagers with pickaxes (and really, who doesn't?), the execution didn't work for me. The zombies, after all, were supposed to be around 100 years old, but their clothing was still fresh and their hair was still neatly combed. A lot could have been done with these little monsters to make them a tad more of what the film's title promised.

Maybe they were trying to keep some sense of how cute these kids are when they showed them chowing down on guts and limbs (a nice grisly touch by the way), or maybe they wanted you to be sympathetic towards them but it just didn't do it for me. I was impressed with a lot of the camera work in the dark , foggy forest, however. I'll give them that.

In all honesty, the history of the movie was more interesting to me than the actual movie. Originally titled both "The Children" and then simply "Zombies", Wicked Little Things was originally to be directed by Tobe Hooper. One can only imagine how this would have turned out had he been behind the helm. As it is, the movie didn't really do much for me.

Fear: 1, Gore: 2, Creepiness: 1, Entertainment: 2, Nightmares: 0

- Complaint Dept

Thursday, April 26, 2007

the woods (2006)

Fear 0 - 5: 0
Gore 0 - 5: 1
Creepiness 0 - 5: 1
Entertainment 0 - 5: 1
Nightmare 0 - 5: 0

how can something that says it is trying to scare me bore me so badly?

this is a moderately well-made sleeper about a young girl shipped out to a boarding school by her over-bearing mother and her quiet father (played by bruce campbell) after she apparently started a little fire. what's so bad about that?

set in 1965, the woods quickly settles into a drawn out combination of "girl interruped" and "susperia" as our heroine heather makes friends with the first nerd who talks to her, and enemies with the school bad-ass who can't muster up any better insult than to repeatedly call heather "firecrotch".

once heather sets in she starts to have nightmares about some girls who have gone missing from the school. in these dreams she is being chased through the local woods until she winds up alone with a strange girl in her room who proceeds to attack heather with an axe.

fast forward an hour, and nothing much has happened. finally the woods themselves begin to come after heather, with cgi vines cruising the halls (sometimes this looks kind of cool and creepy, mostly it just looks dumb and fake). local bad-girl turns out to be local good-girl who somehow places a call to heathers dad to come get her. he does, but the woods strike back, closing off the road, tipping over the car and finally shutting up the mother.

heather and bruce wake up in the hospital, surrounded by the school staff who have of course turned out to be witches. of course they are, why wouldn't they be? they drug heather and curse bruce, who both recover in record time and manage to find the witch's coven in the woods while being chased by cgi plant life. a little axe work later and all the witches are dead and the movie mercifully releases it's captives.

- the fucking beard

HellBent (2005)

Fear 0 - 5: 0
Gore 0 - 5: 1
Creepiness 0 - 5: 0
Entertainment 0 - 5: 0
Nightmare 0 - 5: 0

The idea of this movie intrigued me based on the hoopla it received being billed as the first gay slasher movie. That is pretty much the only thing going for this steamy pile of shit. Its a pretty standard by the numbers slasher flick, with no ingenious methods of victim dispensing and extremely annoying characters.

The movie centers on a group of friends, frolicking around town during a Halloween carnival, while avoiding a killer with a scythe that looks like a mexican
luchador. And that's pretty much fucking it. Avoid this shit at all costs.

Posted by: Cortez the Killer

28 sequels later (2007)

this is probably going to suck, but i'll most likely see it anyway.

why does it have to involve children? don't they know that children are only good in horror movies when they are telling priests that their mothers suck cocks in hell or when they are the spawn of satan? stupid kids.

now a movie where the viral outbreak takes over pleasure island from pinochio, THAT would be a movie!

here's the trailer

posted by: the fucking beard

I'm with Beard on this one. It's not directed by Danny Boyle and it stars the guy that played Jeffrey Dahmer in the slow moving and pointless snapshot biopic Dahmer. The trailer doesn't give me much hope, but it is nice to see Robert Caryle back in action. I liked him in Ravenous.

Posted by: Complaint Dept

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Andre The Butcher (2005)

Fear 0 - 5: 0
Gore 0 - 5: 5
Creepiness 0 - 5: 0
Entertainment 0 - 5: 5
Nightmare 0 - 5: 0

This is one of those flicks that catches your eye while perusing the never ending walls of new releases at BlockBuster. The kind of cover art that screams 'rent' me only to be completely disappointed as it evolves into B movie suckitude. This movie totally advertised itself as being serious based on the cover art and the description on the back. The seriousness which is advertised on the box completely devolves into ridiculously good B movie fare within the first opening minutes of the flick. Let's go down the list of things that makes this an instant classic with me:

1. Campy dialogue and humor- check

2. Gratuitous gore and sex- check

3. Dumb as shit teenagers who lack common sense- check

4. Death metal soundtrack- check

5. A completely unexpected 'celebrity' appearance- check

This should be an instant cult classic and the perfect Friday night movie to watch with friends and laugh your ass off. I won't give away the main character's real name but I will provide you with this hint: it rhymes with Don Leremy.

Posted by Cortez the Killer

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Imprint (2005)

Fear 0 - 5: 2
Gore 0 - 5: 5
Creepiness 0 - 5: 5
Entertainment 0 - 5: 5
Nightmare 0 - 5: 5

For those of you not indoctrinated into the sick and twisted mind of Takashi Miike, this may be his most vile piece of work yet. Following hot on the trails of his more 'famous' (at least stateside) work with Audition, comes this film that was actually DENIED an airing on Showtime. Yes kiddies, this was actually denied an airing on a premium t.v. channel (i.e. a channel that you actually have to pay extra for which mostly plays garbage to begin with).

Imprint, stars Billy Drago who looks like he could pass for Keith Richard's stunt double. He plays an American (its not stated specifically what he is, i.e. a business man) who returns to a Japanese brothel to see a woman that he made a promise to years ago. Upon returning to the brothel to 'rescue' his love from the lifestyle she has no desire to be in any longer, he finds that the women who run it are hiding a dark secret. The story evolves from there and travels down a couple of different paths, neither of which are totally clear or connected. Miike's movies usually have some sort of commentary on Japanese life (i.e. social taboos in Visitor Q). It is in this practice that many of the scenes in this movie and others, may get lost in translation with this reviewer.

What I can say is that I have never seen anything more cringe inducing and downright disturbing in my entire life when watching a horror movie (or any movie for that matter). Whereas most horror movies cut away from the hand being sawed off or the knee being hacked, Miike NEVER pans away with the camera and even zooms in on the gory mess ensuing. He has a knack for making the torture scene different and unique (see Audition). He has a way with making scenes so unsettling, that it literally makes you want to look away and curl up into the fetal position on your couch. In one reviewer on this site's words, 'I wanted to take a shower after watching that movie', when referring to Audition. The same can also be said for Imprint.

So what transpires after the arrival of Drago's character is one of the best torture scenes committed to film (as if the one in Audition couldn't be topped) and some of the most disturbing scenes involving the careless discarding of mammalian embryos. I don't want to provide any more specifics to give away all of the crazy twists and turns of this movie. Just get a hot shower ready afterwards to wash down the maddening feeling of grotesqueness.

Posted by: Cortez the Killer

* * * *

Fear: 1/5
Gore: 3/5
Creepiness: 4/5
Entertainment: 2/5
Nightmares: 0/5

Takashi Miike is hit or miss with me. Ichi The Killer is a great yakuza film that went to extraordinarily graphic lengths to be violent. Audition remains one of the most powerful horror films I have ever seen. However, he doesn't always hit the mark - his segment in the so-so Three Extremes was the least interesting of the three parts and Imprint left me feeling sort of "meh" as well.

Imprint is certainly over the top. Though not a particularly gory film, there are scenes that really are tough to watch. Cortez is correct when he states that the torture scene is gnarly. Needles under fingernails. Yikes. And incredibly realistic. Double yikes. But this isn't even what's gnarly about the film. It's the less graphic things that are part of the story, though never really seen, that push the envelope- incest, rape, and a generally misogynistic feel throughout the entire 63 minute running time. As I explained to a friend today, if you can think of something "fucked up", this movie probably touches on it.

It's just too much, but not in the "I can't believe I'm seeing this" kind of way. More in the "Ok, I get it - things are bad for this person, you're pushing boundaries, you're trying to get a rise out of me, I get it already". There really is a lot of nastiness packed into 63 minutes and by the time the finale rolls around, it just becomes kind of silly.

Auditon was so incredible because the horror hits the audience out of nowhere and it hits HARD. The bulk of the film seems tame enough, and really kind of goes nowhere and then - POW, you're fucked up by the final 15 minutes which is truly horrifying.

Imprint feels like it strives to offend and gross the audience out from the start and it never lets up. I was certainly impressed with Miike's efforts and ability to really go all the way, but it was so much that I was constantly aware of the effort and never had a chance to actually connect with the film.

Cortez will be disappointed. Sorry buddy. But your comparison of Billy Drago to Keith Richards was good. I was thinking Tom Petty.

- Complaint Dept.


Fear 0 - 5: 0
Gore 0 - 5: 1
Creepiness 0 - 5: 0
Entertainment 0 - 5: 5
Nightmare 0 - 5: 0
By today's standards The Tingler is of more interest as a historical piece than a horror film. Nothing is remotely frightening about this late 50's black and white film, save for perhaps a middle scene involving a bathtub of bright red blood with a hand reaching from it. The premise is fantastic however and I am surprised David Cronenberg hasn't remade the film.
Vincent Price plays a doctor who does research on fear. He is convinced that when someone dies from fright an organism within our bodies feeds on that fear, growing in size until it attaches itself to the spine and crushes it, resulting in death. He dubs this creature "The Tingler". The organism can be killed if the victim screams, a process that releases the fear and cuts off the parasite's food supply. To test his theories, Price conducts a few goofy experiments including convincing his wife he is about to kill her, utilizing a deaf-mute who cannot scream and taking a whopping dose of LSD to induce the fear within himself ("must not...scream...must...not...SCREAM!").
As a storyline, the film already has won me over with it's blend of schlocky pseudo-science and misinformed psycho-babble. But director William Castle (of House on Haunted Hill fame) ups the ante even more by introducing the "Percepto" gimmick where tiny vibrating machines were installed onto the seats of the theaters the film showed at. At the film's climax, the Tingler is let loose into a movie theater. Price cuts the lights in the theater, the screen goes black, and Price loudly informs the "audience" that the Tingler is in the theater at which time the vibrating buzzers installed on the seats went off to the sound of fake audience members screaming in terror on screen. To add to this, fake nurses and actors pretending to faint were planted into the audience at larger theaters. The end result is about as entertaining as a movie can get.
Rent The Tingler to watch with friends on a Friday night. The dialogue is crisp and sharp, the acting well done and the production value high for a 1950's B-movie. It won't scare you, but it's pretty damn fun to act out your own Mystery Science Theater with your friends.
-Complaint Dept

Sunday, April 22, 2007


FEAR 0- 5 : 2
GORE 0- 5 : 1
CREEPINESS 0 - 5 : 0

Penny Dreadful is part of the Horrorfest Series of films ("8 Films to Die For") that After Dark Films released a few months ago. The premise is simple and familiar. The protagonist, Penny, suffers from a debilitating fear of automobiles and has enlisted the help of her therapist (played by an aging Mimi Rogers) to help her overcome it. The two take off on a trip to the mountains of California to, I suppose, learn that there is nothing to be a afraid of while driving in total isolation and darkness. On the way they nearly run over a mysterious and cloaked hitchhiker, offer to give him a ride to a nearby campsite and are then hunted by him for the remainder of the film. It's a familiar horror movie theme - fear of the unknown, fear of country folk, fear of isolation. The kind of stuff Wes Craven and Tobe Hooper made careers out of. Simple.
The film's strengths lie in the fact that the bulk of the movie takes place inside the car after the bad guy has wedged it between two trees preventing the escape of the people inside. Add to it that one of the car's passengers is a corpse and things get kind of icky. During the middle of the film the tension level rises and the main character does a passable job of freaking out. As long as the focus remains on the people trapped in the car, the paranoia rises.

There is good atmosphere in the movie, the film going from full color, to blue and black to an overpowering red color as the level of fear rises in the main actor. Many of the scenes are long and drawn out creating a sense of anticipation and doom. Of particular creepiness is a scene where Penny needs to pry the car key from the mouth of the dead body locked in with her. Rigor mortis has set in and the scene is a little yucky and sad. For a while I thought this movie was going to go into some interesting places.

In the end, however, the choice is made to rely on stale horror film cliches that can be seen coming miles and miles away. The killer's voice is ridiculously "scary", the maniacal laughing annoying and not frightening at all. The pointless naked scenes lead to even more hackneyed slasher scenes (with very little blood I might add) and the end of the movie is just a train wreck of predictability. Ah well.
- Complaint Dept


Planet Terror
Fear 0 - 5: 1
Gore 0- 5: 4
Creepiness 0-5: 0
Entertainment 0-5: 5
Nightmares 0- 5: 0
Death Proof
Fear 0 - 5: 0
Gore 0- 5: 2
Creepiness 0-5: 0
Entertainment 0-5: 2
Nightmares 0- 5: 0

I've been eagerly awaiting the release of this one for a while. Not being a big fan of either Robert Rodriguez or Quentin Tarantino, I will admit that it was the concept alone that excited me: two feature length films paying homage and respect to the sleazy exploitation films of the early 1970s. Movies like Big Bad Mama, I Spit on Your Grave and Cannibal Holocaust. Movies that were cheap, stupid and totally entertaining.

The film starts with a fake trailer for a movie about some bad ass prison biker dude who goes around killing guys. I hear it may actually turn into a real film (?). We then launch right into Rodriguez's film "Planet Terror". Think I wasn't a fan of this one? See the blog title. Rodriguez takes the concept of a grindhouse movie and runs with it as far as he can. Plot, if you need it: The military has some vapor weapon that turns people into bubbling, homicidal maniacs. Terrorists have taken control of it and unleashed it on the civilian population. Bruce Willis is trying to get it back. Rose MacGowan is running around half naked with a machine gun attached as her leg. Tom Savini is making guest appearances as a guy getting drawn and quartered by zombies. Tongues bubble and burst, heads explode, guts go flying, the dead walk the earth - seriously what more do you need? The dialogue is melodramatic, very tongue-in-cheek and the action and gore is non-stop. This movie was fucking fun.

Follow that with some more fake trailers made by people involved with Shaun of the Dead, Cabin Fever and House of 1000 Corpses (including a nasty scene involving defiling a severed head) and the film makes a sudden and crashing stop as the brick wall of "Death Proof" appears.

Tarantino has always been a dialogue guy. His characters talk and philosophize about everything for incredible lengths of time. Some find this to be a sign of his genius, his ability to bring humanity to even the most despicable villains. I find it boring. I found "Death Proof" boring. I mean, I get it - have these actors talk to each other about tangential baloney for half the movie and we begin to feel like we are just hanging out, like we're all BFF and shit. Then kill them off, suddenly and coldly, and we are shocked.

Except the conversation isn't the kind I'd every want to be involved with and by the time the mayhem starts (and then stops for almost the remainder of the film) I don't care. I may, in fact, be asleep. Rodriguez has a guy's testicles melt off. Tarantino has his characters talk about about the engine in a Dodge Charger for about 20 minutes. I have to wonder if he and Robert were working off of the same concept.

And what a waste of Kurt Russell. He's Snake Plissken for fuck's sake.

Rumor has it that Planet Terror and Death Proof are being shown separately in the UK. If this is the case, be thankful you wankers, you got lucky.

I am sure that Cortez the Killer and Beard will have differing opinions...

- Complaint Dept

i went into this expecting to dislike planet terror, since i have hated just about everything rodriguez has ever had his hands in. ultimately planet terror was nothing but a shitload of gory fun. if you aren't laughing when the film cuts only to start back up with the bbq joint on fire, then this entire film wil be lost upon you. still, it runs a bit long and rodriguez tries a little to hard to make the movie look fucked up and low budget by messing with the film print, digitally.

unfortunately i had heard that the reviews of tarantino's film were highly polarized and it would have been better had i known nothing about it going in. it seems like tarantino is criticized for making a less exciting than rodriguez, i have even heard people say that death proof was nothing but "chick talk", but as far as i am concerned it was the best film he's made yet.

what tarantino movie hasn't started out slowly with a ton of dialogue? go back and tell me that the useless dribble coming out of reservoir dogs is any more exciting than the dialogue in death proof. like it or hate, that is taratino's style, and i happen to love it.death proof builds slowly, and the first scene of carnage is amazing. the lack of a motive or closure on this single act of violence makes it more disturbing than anything i have seen in years.

it is the second half of the film though that sets this movie apart as more of an excercise of analog stunt art than anything else, and that is exactly what i appreciate about it. the entire last act of the film is an homage to a dying art, shot using only stunt crews with no computer generated effects. In this way tarantino's film is more closely related to steve albini's finest analog recording, edited with 2" tape and mastered directly from said analog tapes so that the music within is never digitized, than it is related to planet terror.

grindhouse would have been so much less effective if both films had been balls to the wall nonstop gorefests, but for some reason this is exactly the problem that most people have with it. i loved both films, for different reasons. planet terror is a hedonistic buffet of everything you ever wanted in a movie, while deathproof is the careful execution of a craft.

oh, and from what i understand, both of these films are set for individual re-release since they saw dismal numbers at the box office with some thinking this was due to the length of the movie. when they come out on dvd, they are slated for individual release as well.

- the Fucking Beard

Dude you totally missed all the other things going on in the background during those conversations. Did you see Russell's character listening in? That made for a creepy experience as the camera panned around. How was his character not bad ass? He used muscle cars to kill his victims. You can't get much cooler than that. Yeah he turned whiny at the end, but his arm was broken and he had 3 stunt actors beat the snot out of him (kind of ironic considering he was a retired stunt man). He picked the wrong people to fuck with and got his in the end. Classic.

- Cortez the Killer