Sunday, December 23, 2007

Lord of Illusions (1995)

Fear 0/5
Gore 2/5
Entertainment 2/5
Creepiness 1/5
Nightmares 0/5

So-so Clive Barker offering that asks the question What if magic were real and it were used for evil? It's not a question I've ever pondered and it makes for somewhat ridiculous viewing - especially since the main main guy is played by the same actor who played Kruger on Seinfeld. I realize that's not fair to the actor, but I just picture him spinning in his desk chair saying "Kay-OOGER". There are, in fact, three Seinfeld actors that make brief appearances - Kruger, Mickey and FDR. So watch for that and don't bother telling me I watch too much Seinfeld, I wouldn't understand the words coming out of your mouth.

Anyway, Lord of Illusions has Scott Bakula (Quantum Leap) as a tough-guy private eye who is investigating the death of a magician named Swann. Swann died during one of his performances when an "illusion" went tragically wrong and he was impaled several times by swords falling from the sky. The mystery is that he may have been murdered.

Murder you say? Yes, MUUUUURDUH!

But who would want to murder a magician/ Seriously, who wouldn't, but that's beside the point. See, there is some weird background on the dead magician: turns out he was involved with some dude named "Nix" who was also known as "The Puritan". Nix was killed 13 years ago by Swann and some other magician types who knew that Nix's magic was real- and evil.

Evil you say? Yes, EEEEE-VEL!

So after Nix was put into the ground by Swann and his gang of merry pranksters (no, not those Merry Pranksters), his man-servant in gold satin stretch pants began studying up on the evil ways so that he could resurrect Nix and have him complete his apocalyptic plans. Toss in Famke Jannsen in some clingy and revealing outfits and you've got yourself a real movie.

It's sort of a hokey blend of Film Noir detective flicks, corny slasher movies and Criss Angel. Good or bad, that's essentially what it is. For 1995, it's pretty gory - when nix is resurrected, his corpse makeup is pretty icky. And he has some sort of anal looking orifice on his forehead that pulsates and makes me think of the phrase "turtlehead". And I appreciate Barker's love of all things dark and satanic, a vibe that comes across in all of his work. But other than that, it's pretty goofy. Not awful, but just goofy.

- Complaint Dept

No comments: