Sunday, December 2, 2007

Disturbia (2007)

Fear 0/5
Gore 1/5
Entertainment 1/5
Creepiness 0/5
Nightmares 0/5

60 minutes into this the "scary" stuff finally begins, but then lets up for another 15 minutes or so. Prior to this we are subjected to the drawn out, boring and painfully teeange-aimed story of how the main dude lost his dad in a car wreck and went from nice guy to bad boy. And some boobie comedy without the boobs (American Sugar Free Pie perhaps?).

When he punches his Spanish teacher out on the last day of school, he is sentenced to wear one of those don't-go-anywhere ankle collar things for the next 3 months. Moping around the house he decides that spying on all of his neighbors with binoculars is a fun way to pass time. First on the list is his "hottie" next door neighbor who just moved in. Soon, she and he are flirting endlessly, exchanging terrible dialogue and being everything Hollywood expects dopey teenagers to be. BORING. And it goes like this for a full hour.

Then they start to suspect that their other neighbor is kidnapping women, killing them and disposing of their bodies. How they come up with this is a bit like watching Duck Tales or Scooby Doo, suffice it to say that they are right. Duh. Actually, I was kind of hoping that they were wrong, that is was all just a comedy of errors like some serial killer themed episode of Three's Company. That would have been better. Or maybe if it had all been a dream.

So once the scary stuff starts it gets a little better, though only a little. The scenes where things get tense are ridiculous because they are only tense because of the inane things the people on screen are doing. And, like most teenage slasher films, you're expected to swallow a lot of bullshit for things to work.

Disturbia is ok, not awful, but far, far, far from being good. Mmmm. Yeah, actually it was awful. It sucked. And yeah, it's basically Rear Window. Next....

- Complaint Department

1 comment:

Cortez the Killer said...

I'm glad you had the testicular fortitude to review this heap of shit. I sure as hell didn't. And it is EXACTLY like rear window only lamer.