Sunday, November 11, 2007

Toolbox Murders (2004)

Fear 1/5
Gore 2/5
Entertainment 2/5
Creepiness 1/5
Nightmares 0/5

Lousy sort-of remake of the 1978 film by the same name. Directed by Tobe Hooper who hasn't made a decent flick since Poltergeist. He claims to have been strongly influenced by Dario Argento here, though I don't see it. Apparently rated NC-17 for it's gore and violence, I sadly, saw the R version which was trimmed and tamed down. Still, I don't think more blood would have been the cure to this film's illness. The entire film feels like an extended episode of Tales from the Darkside or something on the Sci Fi channel. By this, I mean it feels cheap and crummy and not in a fun way.

Standard horror baloney from the start - a woman and her husband move into a creepy old building and things start getting weird. She seems to be the only person who realizes that people are going missing, people are being murdered in the apartment next door, etc. But of course, every time she tries to draw some one's attention to the situation, she winds up looking like an idiot and no one believes her.

Here, we have an old apartment building that seems to have an internal set of rooms that no one knows about. Turns out it was designed by some occult-warlock type guy who covered the building in all of these wacky witchcraft symbols. These symbols create some sort of spell that keeps the occult guy alive, despite being like 150 years old or something. Why he sneaks around killing people at random with hammers, nail guns, and power drills (and why he looks like Darkman - a vastly superior movie by the way) is beyond me. It, apparently, requires no explanation - or maybe it was explained and my focus wandered because this was so fucking boring.

Anyway, the main girl finds the inner rooms, fights with Darkman, gets her husband involved and they wind up killing the bad guy. Except that he pulls a fake death and disappears at the end. There you go - I just saved you an hour and a half of your life. Thank me later.

- Complaint Department

1 comment:

Cortez the Killer said...

This movie was so atrocious. The lame special effects at the end especially so.