Thursday, November 22, 2007

The Mist (2007)

Fear: 0/5
Gore: 2/5
Entertainment: 3/5
Creepiness: 0/5
Nightmares: 2/5

How do you take a brilliant short story about a bunch of people in a small New England town who go to the grocery store only to have a monster filled mist roll in and turn everyone against each other turn into something that totally sucks and is painful to watch?
Well for starters replace all the monsters with this and this and this.

I know what you are thinking, these images instill terror in even the most stout hearted. But there is more. You also need to remember we are dealing with dialogue written by Stephen King, who has apparently never had a conversation with another human, nor heard one speak at all.

The characters were looked up on Wikipeida, and the actors hired to portray them phoned in their lines from Atlantic City, the only destination they could afford on their salaries.

This was painful to sit through, the original story which grabbed my attention at age 12 has been reduced to bad CGI effects, even worse acting and a horrible screenplay with the lamest twist at the end ever. The ENTIRE audience laughed through the end of the movie, and I felt embarrassed for everyone involved with making this movie.

My god if you have read the story, trust your imagination and stay away from this hunk of poop. If you haven't read the story, get it from the library and use your 10 bucks you would have spent on this film on establishing a fund to pay off King for not letting anymore of his stories be turned into films, mini-series or any other visual medium.

This one scored a 2 on gore because there are a few fun gore spots that involve people being cut in half, a 3 on entertainment because it was so bad i had fun heckling it, and a 2 in nightmares because the original story still creeps me out and makes my imagination come up with imagery 100 times scarier than this.

- the fucking beard

No comments: