Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Severed (2005)

Fear 0/5
Gore 2/5
Entertainment 2/5
Creepiness 0/5
Nightmares 0/5

Round 2 of the Cortez family horror movie watching night, was my shit-tastic selection of this very boring zombie flick. Severed focuses on a group of young teens trying to save the local forest by protesting against the evironmentally unfriendly loggers who make a living of hacking away at helpless trees. They come to find out that there is a 'super sap' within the trees and these genetically enhanced trees, once chopped down, rapidly grow back serving to re-populate the forest and provide a continued abundance of new lumber.

So the kiddos, angry, bitter and totally stale in their feigned delivery of emotions (probably due to the script master and the retarded dialogue that was written) continue their protests and demands of stopping what they are doing. Enter geneticist and 'spokesman' for the logging company, proclaiming that what he is doing is actually good for the environment.

Flash forward to a scene of loggers cutting down said trees, and the super sappy trees spew forth some of its contents. And guess what? Yup, that's what turns them into flesh eating zombies. So the kids, the geneticist and the loggers spend the rest of the film fighting off the zombies, with cut and slash camera movements that mimic 28 Days Later. Only there is very little gore and these zombies are totally boring.

What made this film worse, was the diatribe by the group of loggers in the middle of the film about messing with nature, what you reap is what you sow, blah blah blah. Granted some zombie movies have a message (political, societal, etc.) but this movie was set up to beat you over the head with it. My dad said it best, 'I'm surprised that Al Gore wasn't one of the zombies. He's just as boring and stiff.' Well played pops, well played.

Cortez the Killer


Brian said...

Wow. A group of bloggers as protagonists? Wow.

Cortez the Killer said...

Thanks for catching the typo kind sir. Although a zombie movie with bloggers is unchartered territory.

Brian said...

Haha, I need to read these more carefully. I really thought you meant bloggers, like they were nerdy environmentlists who ventured out from their computers to the forests. Yep, I'm an idiot.

Cortez the Killer said...

You just wrote 1/3 of the script. I think you might be on to something here....

Complaint D said...

Thank you Mr. Killer, I will remove this from my Netflix queue ASAP.