Sunday, October 14, 2007

Night Watch (2004)

Fear: 0/5
Gore: 2/5
Entertainment: 1/5
Creepiness: 0/5
Nightmares: 0/5

Oh jeez, you'd think that a country as bleak as Russia would be a horror flick heaven just waiting to happen. Not only would you be wrong, but Night Watch is the first in a trilogy of sucking flicks that are about Vampires and the ancient struggle between good (the light) and bad (the dark).

I know what you are thinking, usually here at Planet Terror we savor rolling out the plot of a film, but um, that was pretty much it.

Some forgettable characters are sort of vampires who are a part of the Nightwatch (who are actually "the light") and they keep the Daywatch (the name of the second installment, who are also "the dark", and more like regular vampires) under control by offering them humans to feed on. Somewhere in here is a unit of police that is strictly Nightwatch who arrest members of the Daywatch for killing humans. At some point there is a little kid, a leading man who is the Nicholas Cage of Russia and an epic battle at the end with some decent gore and countless poorly cgi crows.

The writing is comical in a very unintentional way. It's like Russia saw "The Crow" and decided to dedicate the entirety of it's creative talent in the country to making their own lame version with vampires.

And seriously, is anyone afraid of vampires anymore? I think I'm more afraid of Russian pop culture at this point than I am of a vampire.

I highly suggest staying away from this one. It's more aggravating than it is entertaining.

- the fucking beard

1 comment:

Complaint Dept said...

I liked Nightwatch and am happily anticipating Daywatch. Take that Beardo!