Sunday, October 14, 2007

Homecoming (2005)

Fear: 0/5
Gore: 0/5
Entertainment: 0/5
Creepiness: 0/5
Nightmares: 0/5

Chock this up to yet another zombie movie with a 'message'. Instead of environmentally conscious bloggers, er, I mean loggers, this time its the actual zombies themselves making a 'statement' about society and the world in which we live in.
I have yet to see a good Masters of Horror episode on Showtime other than Imprint and that was actually banned by the cable channel. I had to NetFlix it. Is Joe Dante really considered a master of horror? I never really considered Gremlins to be a horror movie. I wanted Gizmo as a real pet when I was a kid. And the actual Gremlins, I just thought were silly, not scary in the least bit. It was a fun movie to watch but hardly anything that would make me run for the cover of my Dukes of Hazzard blanket. And don't get me started on the giant turdfest that was Gremlins 2: the New Batch.
Anyways, Dante directs this episode of the popular(?) horror series on Showtime. It involves a U.S. spin doctor Senator that has teamed up with a political analyst (think of a less but still really annoying verison of Ann Coulter) to figure out why dead soldiers are suddenly springing back to life after coming back from Iraq. But these are not just any normal zombies. They are zombies with a conscience and a purpose: they are on a mission to voice their contempt for the current president that led them into war on false pretenses and by golly, they aren't going to just shuffle around idly while their beloved country is run into the ground.
I'll let you wrap your head around this for a moment. This has to be on of the WORST ideas ever concocted for a zombie movie. Zombies that actually have a moral conscience AND can speak is the most retarded thing I have ever heard of. They don't kill their own (soldiers) but they do kill shady senators (which was the only scene of mild gore in the film). But what reason are they there you ask? To vote and sway the upcoming election to get the 'questionable' president out of office. This movie makes it painfully obvious that it is referencing the current president's administration, from an actor that does a spot on voice over of everyone's favorite Texan to a crying, angry, pleadful mother a la Cindy Sheehan. These zombies have a purpose, encouraging people to vote, giving speeches on television and telling their fellow Americans and reanimated brothers why they must do their civic duty. These are 'smart zombies', true fucking road scholars. It was touching to see the zombies vote and then slump to the ground after doing so. Of course, that was the only reason why they came back. Only after voting, could they then truly rest in peace (please excuse me while I go vomit).
But like true modern times, the zombie votes were not counted and the douchebag president went on for a second term. Hardly entertaining, really dumb with its over the top stance on politics (Romero was much more subtle in his commentaries) and it breaks the cardinal rule of ALL zombie movies--necessity for copious amounts of gore. Hardly any could be found. Luckily, episodes in this series only run an hour. Hey Dante, maybe you'll have better luck with Gremlins 3: A 3rd Batch of Suck. Because this movie was surely a shit inferno.

Cortez the Killer

3 comments:

Complaint Dept said...

I totally agree with your assessment of the Masters of Horror show. It's garbage.

the fucking beard said...

i haven't seen any of these yet, they all sound so bad, but this one sounds truly lame.

Brian said...

i think i'd prefer zombie bloggers.