Monday, September 24, 2007

Resident Evil (2002)

Fear 0/5
Gore 1/5
Entertainment 1/5
Creepiness 0/5
Nightmares 0/5

Deep within the Earth lies a hidden lab run by "The Umbrella Corporation" where genetic research and experimentation is being conducted. Suddenly, one of the viruses the mad scientists have created is accidentally set free and the entire lab is sealed off by the master computer to prevent the virus from escaping. It seems as though everyone in the lab dies.

Meanwhile, super model Milla Jovovich is waking up in the shower where she fell unconscious. She putters around the house a bit, apparently with no memory of what happened. As her home is raided by masked mercenary types guys with rifles and gas masks, we come to learn that she is some sort of super operative whose job is to protect the "Umbrella Corporation's" "Hive" - the lab that has been sealed off.

Blah blah blah - zombies show up, Michelle Rodriguez shows up and cusses a lot and looks likes a dude, little to no blood is shed and there is little action save from a few nude scenes of Ms. Jovovich towards the end.

What a fucking rip off. A zombie movie should be bloody and gory, bottom line. I don't care about characters and plot and sci-fi bullshit when it comes to my zombie movies. I mean, if you can pull it off, awesome, but don't spend your entire budget on set design and then stop short when it comes to the gore. It's a zombie movie - when you show the trigger get pulled on a gun, the next scene is an exploding head. Period. Not here though. I'm not even sure why this got an R rating.

And who gave the thumbs up to that pathetic, awful CGI doggie-monster thing? I understand that this is based on a video game (where it should have stayed) but that doesn't mean that every piece of it had to be placed into the film. This was as bad an idea as the DOOM movie. This spawned two sequels? Suck it.

- Complaint Dept.


the fucking beard said...

yet another terrible movie that i absolutely love.

the r rating is for really awesome snatch, belonging to milla jovovich that you get to witness at the end for no reason.

lilu dallas multipass indeed

Jewcifer said...

Doom was a good movie... and this one wasnt bad either. I demand a recount!!!