Wednesday, September 19, 2007

The Hills Have Eyes 2 (2006)

Fear 0/5
Gore 5/5
Entertainment 2/5
Creepiness 3/5
Nightmares 0/5

Out in the desert in an area called "sector 16" some Army dudes have been building some stuff. Doesn't really matter what, it's just fluff. Sector 16 is out in Nevada or someplace. They used to test atomic weapons there and now there's some creepy mutant guys roaming around killing people. The Army guys get killed and some Army privates who are failing in boot camp are sent in to investigate. So already, this movie is off to a bad start since that would never happen. "Oh shit, we've lost Bravo company - who should we send in? Rambo? The Terminator? Hell no, let's send in the guys from Stripes. They'll take care of things"

This is pretty much how the entire movie runs. Nothing makes much sense and the people are so one dimensional, the situations so ridiculous, that it doesn't matter. You don't care. Well, ok you do a little because the characters are so loathsome that you want them to die. The kind of characters that always do the wrong thing. Like clockwork. You know the kind.

Luckily for you, they do die and in gruesome and gory ways. Which is about all this movie has going for it. Plot - no need. Action - seems like there would be plenty in a movie about Army guys, but no, there's not much of that either. Just gratuitous blood and guts.

Normally, an overdose of the red stuff would be a fun way to spend the evening, but something about this movie bothered me. Not in a "disturbing" kind of way, I'm an adult and am able to tell the difference between make believe and reality and, besides, I've seen movies way more fucked up than this. No, it bothered me that it was insultingly bad. Aside from the great detail given to the special effects, everything about this movie seemed phoned in as if plot and background, acting, script and style were all totally unnecessary. As a horror fan, I object to the stereotype that all a horror movie needs to be successful is blood, boobs and boozed-up teenagers.

So suck it Hills Have Eyes 2, I liked House of Wax more than I liked your sorry ass.

- Complaint Dept

No comments: