Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Godzilla Final Wars (2004)

Fear 0/5
Gore 0/5
Entertainment 4/5
Creepiness 0/5
Nightmares 0/5
70's Prog-Rock Moog Soundtrack 11/5

Released as the "final" installment of the Godzilla series by Toho and marking the 50th anniversary of the great green giant, Godzilla Final Wars boasts the largest budget (and I would guess longest running time as well) of any previous Godzilla film (not counting the American mistake). The majority of this money went towards beefing up the special effects which are, at times, kind of impressive given the fact that it still revolves around grown men in rubber suits.

I love Godzilla. I love that he's a metaphor for the United States: a nuclear powered, lumbering beast stomping it's way around the world. I love that there is always a city being trampled to rumble and people fleeing in terror. I love his radioactive death-breath and I LOVE the fact that it's grown men in rubber suits fighting with each other.

Here's a quick synopsis for you: like most Godzilla films, the story line is not connected at all to any previous film. This time around, we are led to believe that Godzilla was "defeated" in the 1960s, frozen in ice somewhere in Antarctica. Many years later, there is a sudden epidemic of monster attacks - Manda, Rodan, Anguirus, King Caesar and others - which the Earth Defence Forces (Is this a Canadian film?) are hopelessly fending off. The EDF are led by a "crack team" of "Mutants" who seem suspiciously like a cross between the X-Men and the Power Rangers. Suddenly the monsters all vanish when an alien ship arrives and sucks up all of the monsters.

The aliens, who say things like "Greetings Earthlings", have come to warn us all about our impending doom - a rogue planet hurtling towards Earth. But it soon becomes apparent that they are liars! They are really here to subjugate and eat us all! Gasp! "To Serve Man"... it's a cook book! Soylent Green is people! IT'S PEEEEEEEOPLE! Once exposed, the aliens unleash all of the monsters once more and mayhem breaks loose. Soon the EDF is overwhelmed and has no choice but to unfreeze Godzilla so she can fight all of the monsters.

Despite how fucking retarded this all sounds (and you have no idea how retarded it actually is) it's enormously entertaining. . . to me at least, Hex read a book and fell asleep in the middle. Every cliche you can imagine from every American action movie is included here. There are scenes that are total rip-offs of The Matrix, Independence Day, Star Wars, X-Men and even some older Japanese stuff like Battleship Yamato. There are scenes so dopey they defy logic - King Caesar kicking Anguirus like a soccer ball as Godzilla makes a goalie dive to "save" him for example. Long drawn out karate fights between two armored dudes with crazy anime hairdos on motorcycles.

It doesn't matter. In the end it all boils down to Godzilla destroying shit and she does so big time against enemy monsters that have not seen screen time in years. Sadly, because so many monsters are included and so much time was spent on the karate shit, the fight scenes between Godzilla and the other monsters are truncated and somewhat unsatisfying. Until the end comes and Godzilla fights it out with Gigan and Monster X (with some help from Mothra of course). And yes, not to spoil anything, but Monster X does morph into a pissed off King Ghidorah at the end and the fight gets tough.

Stupid? Of course. Ridiculous? Like, to the max. Bad? Ok sure, it's bad. But so so satisfying.

-Complaint Department

1 comment:

the fucking beard said...

i have never seen an entire godzilla movie. i need to get on that.