Sunday, September 9, 2007

Demons (1985)

Fear 0/5
Gore 4/5
Entertainment 4/5
Creepiness 1/5
Nightmares 1/5
Mulletude 5/5

Seriously, if there was ever a movie that deserved the description of "rad", it would be the 1985 Italian splatterfest Demons. Aside from the blood, guts and gore that you should expect from any fine Italian horror film with the names Bava and Argento attached to it, Demons offers a cornucopia of mullets, bad German-fashion and dancy synthesizer music (as well as a soundtrack boasting the likes of Motely Crue, Saxon, Pretty Maids, Accept and, yes, Rick Springfield). It's a dream come true for those who love bad movies.

The story, should you choose to call it that, is simple - a guy in a metal mask is wandering Berlin handing out free tickets to an unknown film at a new theater called the Metropol. People show up to the theater and are greeted by a woman in a bright neon green dress who may or may not be directly responsible for global warming given the amount of hairspray she has going on. There is also a red motorcycle on display with a mannequin in a ninja outfit on board holding the same mask that the guy handing out the tickets had on. You following me? Two Black women and their pimp (I guess) arrive and one of them puts on the mask, cutting her face in the process. I point out that they are Black because the dialogue they are given (which is then dubbed over) goes kind of like this: "Shiiiit. Daaaammmmnnnnn. Mutha-fuckah! You crazy! Shiiiiit." Apparently the only exposure Italians have to African-Americans is through the Shaft film series.

Anyway, the film starts and the people settle in to watch. It's a horror film about some teenagers riding motorcycles into a graveyard. They find Nostradamus' tomb and uncover the same mask that is on display out in the lobby (and that the free ticket guy was giving away). They read some prediction he made about "cemeteries becoming their cathedrals and tombs their cities" and that's when the mayhem starts.

The girl with the cut on her face goes to the restroom to check it out. As pus begins squirting out of it, she screams and turns into - you guessed it - a demon. Fangs, red eyes, gross skin, the whole bit. From here on out, it's essentially a zombie movie with demons in place of the walking dead. And that's the plot - stay away from the demons as they start munching on people.

Very gory (all latex and corn syrup thank you) and chock full of incredibly bad dialogue (I mean BAD), Demons is a total cheezefest with Mystery Science Theater moments every 5 seconds or so. Mindless, vapid and relatively short (less than 90 minutes), Demons is an excellent party film for those who enjoy both the 80s and excessive violence. Bravo. Bellisimo.

- Complaint Dept

2 comments:

the fucking beard said...

i think i saw this one too close to release when the badness was not yet ironic.

joe said...

Showed this to my daughter around Halloween and she freakin loved it. All style and no substance....which in this instance makes for a totally fun 90 mins