Monday, August 6, 2007

The Messengers (2007)

Fear 0/5
Gore 1/5
Entertainment 1/5
Creepiness 0/5
Nightmares 0/5

After some family problems, a suburban family moves out to the father's old family farm to "start anew". The kids have some emotional problems, there is some tension between each family member and the new environment is kind of creepy to these city folk. Oh, and the family farm is haunted.

How many times has this movie been written? How many times do we need to be subjected to the same old tired teenage-marketed, PG-13 poopfest? Sure, some of the CGI effects are kind of cool, but so what? Gimme a new storyline, people.

The fact that Sam Raimi's name is attached to this should tip you off that this will suck it - remember Boogeyman? The fact that the Pang Brothers directed this is just sad given that The Eye is a classic ghost film that transcended most other Asian ghost tales. The fact that I paid $2.99 to see this bums me out as well since that's $2.99 I could have spent on donuts or taco sauce. Shit man.

Complaint Department

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Fear 0/5
Gore 1/5
Entertainment 0/5
Creepiness 1/5
Nightmares 0/5

Dear Hollywood,

Please, no more movies about ghost kids. The premise has lost it's shock value and has become boring.

P.S. Same thing with shock endings, M. Knight Shamalamadingdong and that effect where when something only marginally scary happens on screen you pump this shrill sound into my ears. It doesn't make me scared, it makes me bleed. From the ears.

What I found funny about this movie that with Rami's name attached to it, it gave the appearance that he was actually ripping himself off from earlier movies. Hmmm, let's see, Sam Rami, and decomposing ghouls coming out of the earthen floor of the cellar to attack our hero. Fuck, sounds kind of familiar.

Oh yeah, I kind of liked Boogeyman.

- the fucking beard

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