Sunday, July 29, 2007

Lifeforce (1985)

Fear 0/5
Gore 2/5
Entertainment 1/5
Creepiness 0/5
Nightmares 0/5
Boobs and more Boobs 4/5

I remember really liking this when I first saw it. Granted, I was 14 years old in 1985 and I think what won me over was that the female lead in this is hot and naked for about 95% of her screen time. So all you 14 year old boys out there, this one's for you.

Tobe Hooper, best remembered as the director of the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, went out on a big budget limb with this sci-fi vampire story and, sadly, it's a bit of a misfire. Written by Dan O'Bannon and taking elements of Alien and the same year's phenomenal Return of the Living Dead (which O'banon wrote and directed), Lifeforce is about a crew of astronauts who, while investigating Halley's Comet, discover a large space ship filled with the dead bodies of what appear to be giant bat-like creatures. They then stumble over three naked human beings encased in glass "coffins", one of whom is a total babe. Babe-raham Lincoln. Shwing. The crew take the naked people on board and head back to Earth. Wouldn't you?

When the shuttle arrives back one Earth, the crew are all dead and the ship has been burned from the inside out. The three naked folks are completely intact however and are immediately shipped to the "Space Research Centre" in London. Soon, it becomes apparent that the buxom (and naked - did I mention naked?) babe has the ability to draw men to her without their being able to control it. She awakens and then proceeds to run around the lab (totally naked) sucking the "lifeforce" out of everyone she comes into contact with. This involves a little making out and then a whirlwind of cheesy light effects from John Dykstra, best known as the guy who did the FX on the original Battlestar Galactica (how do I know these things??). Once used up, the dead guys are left dried out like prunes.

But wait - they're not actually dead, their just waiting to come back to life and steal the lifeforce from whoever stumbles upon them. Soon, all of London is overcome by the lifeforce vampirism and there is chaos and anarchy on the streets! It's like 1977 again man!

Aside from the endless nudity, the decent special effects (especially for 1985) and a cameo from one Patrick Stewart (make it so!), Lifeforce has little going for it. The dialogue is bad, the acting even worse and the story is just dumb. At one point there's this doctor-scientist guy who (for reasons never explained) knows exactly what is going on and begins breaking down the situation. His assessment - vampire lore is real and it came from outer space. The only thing that will stop them is to stab them with a wooden stake or a lead bullet or some other bullshit.

And so, the main good guy does and then the aliens leave. The end.

Could have been way better. Started off well. Got bad. Boobs. Boobs.

- Complaint Dept

1 comment:

Joe said...

I remember thinking this movie was great too. I was 14 when it came out and saw it on Skinemax or something. I later read that it was Tobe Hoopers homage to Hammer Films. Well....there wasn't that much nudity in any Hammer film I rmember.

Anyway, I have always remembered it as a good film but now you got me wondering if it wasnt all becasue of the hot naked space chick!