Monday, June 25, 2007

Big Bad Wolf (2007)

Fear: 3/5

Gore: 5/5

Creepiness: 2/5

Entertainment: 5/5

Nightmares: 2/5

Sweet Sister Mary Francis this is one badass werewolf romp. Big Bad Wolf opens with a couple of hunters in Africa on a safari. When a howling cry is let out into the night air, the hunters sense that something is just not quit right. The rest of the hunters from their encampment radio in on the ol' walkie talkies to check in and then total madness ensues. A quick flash of the screen, one decapitation and leg being torn from a body later, we find both hunters laid waste quicker than you can say 'great googly moogly.' Cue the opening credits.

After the wonderful start to kick things off, a young lad and his fraternity cohorts are shown packing an SUV full of goodies for a weekend trip out to a cabin in the woods. This weekend is supposed to test the young buck's mettle for being able to stick it out with the fraternity brosephs complete with drinking challenges and sexual conquistador innuendos. To round out the group (already numbering 5), he invites his motorcycle riding former flame who looks like a girl that probably listens to Slipknot and shops at Hot Topic. She's the 'rebel' of the group and she expresses her immediate distaste for the frat dudes and the bimbos they've dragged along. Oh, how edgy.

So off they head down the interstate to start their weekend escapades. Apparently the kids got bad Map Quest directions and they decide to stop by the side of the road to talk to a guy who's truck has broken down. Low and behold, the man with the broken down truck just happens to be the infamous Clint Howard. Yes kiddies, the poor guy thats made his buck in cameo appearances and is more oftentimes than not, casted when they need a hideously ugly fellow. He warns the kids 'You don't want to go there. You shouldn't thank me (when referring to the directions given), you should go back to the city. But if you do find it, stay indoors.' Meanwhile, NOBODY in the crew asks 'why?' They just nod their head in unison just figuring this is some old crazy dude. Ah, the irrational thought of young dunces in horror flicks prevails once again.

The kids make it to the cabin, booze it up and of course, some sexy time kicks in. We come to find out that the smarmiest of the dudes is fed up with his girlfriend that does not put out. He expresses his frustration to his buddies and this sets up the pinnacle of awesomeness in the flick. After some rumbling and grumbling, the werewolf promptly makes his presence known with a knock at the door and exclaims 'Little pigs, little pigs let me in.' He then crashes through the front door, lays waste to one of the guys and beelines it to the bedroom. The boyfriend rushes to the bedroom to save his gal only to find her bent over with wolfie doing the dirty deed. The boyfriend shouts 'You animal, she's a virgin.' To which wolf dude retorts 'She's not anymore.' The werewolf slits her throat and says 'I'm sorry, was that your bitch?' Wolf man jack then proceeds to hoist the boyfriend up, wonderously states 'Let's see if you have the nads kid' and promptly rips off his twig and berries. Fucking brilliant.

What's that you say? A wise cracking, talking werewolf in a movie? Yes kiddos, and for as silly as it sounds, it really works in this flick and makes the werewolf one truly badass motherfucker. Everytime he dispenses his victims, another wise crack would ensue and it tickled this reviewer with glorious giddiness. I prayed and hoped after the scene described above that the movie would not let up and it certainly did not. The gore in this movie is aboslutely brutal and top notch.

We then come to find out that the werewolf is the stepfather of the young kid trying to make it good with the fraternity. He is one dirty and despicable chap which makes the character of the werewolf that much more interesting. I don't want to spoil the rest of the flick but the showdown at the end between the boy, his Hot Topic gal pal and the werewolf is pretty sweet.

This movie delivered on so many levels that I could not even begin to write this review until today. Funny, smart, brutal and just an overall damn good time. I choose my words wisely as I have been known to over hype movies, but that's what makes horror movies so great. They are totally subjective to the person watching them. I can, without a doubt, say that this is one of the finest werewolf movies that I've seen.
Cortez the Killer


Fear: 0/5

Gore: 3/5

Creepiness: 0/5

Entertainment: 4/5

Nightmares: 2/5 *

* Only because I was camping by myself in the high Sierra Nevada mountains and I had several large deer around my camp, which I thought might be large were-mitches.

I too 'flixed this one based on Cortez's suggestion. Since he did a great job with the synopsis, let me just add a few points:

1. I couldn't get past the low budget. The effects were really bad, although the gore was decent.
2. The main werewolf "Mitch" was none other than Buddy Revell, the high school bully from Three O'Clock High. He turned into a fucking creeper.
3. The main Hot Topic chick looks like the junk lady goblin from Labrynth.
4. While most of the truly bad parts seemed self aware, I just couldn't swallow the punchy one-liners from the werewolf.
5. For my money, I'd still always go American Werewolf or Dog Soldiers, but neither one of those had a teenager blowing a werewolf for a DNA sample. You make the call.

- the fucking beard

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Rented Big Bad Wolf on your recommendation and thought it was great!