Friday, May 18, 2007

Slaughter Night - (2006)

Fear: 2
Gore: 3
Entertainment: 2
Creepiness: 1
Nightmares: 0
Sniff, sniff. What stinks? Oh! Slaughter Night. First of all, humor me - name your favorite horror film from the Netherlands. Quick! Don't have one? Try naming A horror movie from the Netherlands. Never heard of one? Neither have I. But now we can add one to our list, although just because there is only one doesn't make it a fave.

Here goes the plot...taken from, "Before the death penalty was abolished in the Netherlands in 1860, convicted killers were used in mines to detect dangerous gas leaks and then set them off. If they survived the explosion, they would be pardoned. No one ever survived. Years later, a group of friends enter these mines and awaken their angry spirits and unleash a night of mayhem and murder. Tonight will be slaughter night." So, it sounds cheesy, right? Now let me REALLY lay it out for you...

The film starts out with some poorly done video of what occured in the 1860's - looking TOO done. The make-up is too obvious, the clothes, the fake mustaches, etc. There's a guy (Andries) who kills little girls and decapitates them, sticking their heads on stakes. He gets convicted and chooses the mines for his punishment. He covers himself in wet rags and meets his maker, so to speak.

Now we cut to present day Netherlands. There's a club, some nnzs, nnzs, nnzs music and the boy who likes the girl who just likes him as a friend. Ugh - if you're not Jim Halpert, I can't be bothered with this. Then there's a car accident and the main girl's dad dies. It ends up Dad was writing a book about Andries, the girl and her friends go to the mine on a tour while in town picking up the book. One girl is into voodoo, Dad leaves behind his Ouija board and off they go into the mine on a tour with some other kids where they of course get stuck.

While in the mine, there are approximately 1.3 billion cheap scares, which don't actually do their job. The most fun in the movie involved cuss words. Apparently in Dutch, they don't have cuss words, so they were spoken in English and Dutch people sound funny. Ummm. Let's see. There was some Ecstacy involved (it's a prerequisite for people who listen to nnzs, nnzs, nnzs music) and some decent gore - lots of decapitations (some with shovels - that's fun). Of course, the ghost of Andries starts picking off the kids one by one - trying to get into hell because his parents are there and he wants to find out where his inheritance is? Also, there was some communication with dead Dad via the Ouija board. Another awesome thing is that the ghost possesses the kids as they die and then goes off to kill the others and each time the person has pointy teeth a la Christopher Walken in Sleepy Hollow. How does that happen? And another thing to note - main guy throws his gun in the water, takes off, hides and has his gun again, ready to shoot. Ugh.

I did alot of talking during this movie, which means one of two things - I'm either scared or bored. In this case, it was the latter. Go see 28 Weeks Later, Slaughter Night is a stinker.
- Hex


Fear: 3 (i'm kind of claustrophobic, so underground things make me uncomfy)
Gore: 4
Entertainment: 4
Creepiness: 2
Nightmares: 1

Hex pretty much nailed all the details in her review, and I don't have anything specific to add that was omitted. I can tell you that I had a very different reaction to the film though.

I felt like the pacing, acting and story were actually great in this flick. Maybe when people are speaking Dutch you can't tell that their acting is bad, I dunno, but I mostly thought this one was a lot of fun. The gore is fantastic, and it's great to see kids who have to cut their friends heads off with a shovel and don't really stop to question what is going on.

I have seen some stinkers, but I thought that the production on this was great. Sure the story had some holes, but what movie doesn't? What makes those holes work is the suspension of disbelief that comes from how fun or how much you can identify with a film, and a flick where the old men who tend to this now defunct mine, save to give tours to kids so to entertain themselves they have fake scares built into the mine ala dummies dressed up as the infamous Andries, now that speaks to me.

One thing I don't get is how Slaughter Night translates into the film's subtitle of SL8 N8. I mean, wouldn't that be more like Slate Nate? Maybe it's the Dutch translation. Oh yeah, and the girl on the front of the box isn't in the flick, but the shotgun she is holding is.

Anyways, maybe don't expect this one to change your life, but I'd say it's definitely worth spending a few hours on the couch with.

- the fucking beard


the fucking beard said...

i keep reading this, and i keep trying to figure out how this description is supposed to make me think the movie sucks. because frankly, it sounds wonderful.

Complaint Dept said...

This movie is doo-doo.