Sunday, May 27, 2007

Night of the Living Dead 3-D (2006)

Fear: 1/5
Gore: 2/5
Creepiness: 1/5
Entertainment: 2/5
Nightmares: 1/5

Yet another instance of Fangoria pumping me up for failure. This "re-imagining" of Romero's classic was supposed to be great, so I made a point to go see it in the theater during its one week release last year. Man, what a bummer. This film looks like it was made for 5 dollars, all of which went to buy Sid Haig a cheeseburger, and the rest of the crew had to rely on their family for props and costumes. But I digress..

This remake begins just like the original, except Barbara flees the cemetary after getting a text message "comin 4 u barb" and heads straight into the woods as corpses are stumblign out of Sid Haig's funeral home where he has been stockpiling bodies to save some money, as opposed to embalming them.

As Barbara is about to be attacked by zombies, our wrong side of the tracks, dope dealing hero shows up to save the day in what proves to be the only worthwhile scene in the entire flick. He comes tearing up on his motorcycle and holds his fist out straight in front of him and uses the bike to power a punch straight to a zombie's face, knocking him out. Barbara gets on and they head out to a farmhouse where the hero has some hang out buddies (i.e. pot smoking hipies) with whom our heroes will hold up as the zombies lay siege.

For the next hour or so, it's bad effects, worse 3-d effects and a lot of really AWEFUL dialogue. Sig Haig shows up, and is creepy, until he winds up being the bad guy and his whole funeral home scheme is unearthed.

Honestly, this movie was slightly better than if the crew here at Planet of Terror had made this movie, and that's only because 3/4 of us are legally blind and have never made a movie before in our lives. The only reason it scores any marks at all is because it contains zombies, which are inherently scary and nightmare inducing. Unless you think that 3-d effects of a stoner blowing out a cloud of weed into your face is the most clever thing you've ever seen, don't waste your time with this one.

- the fucking beard

1 comment:

Jewcifer said...

3D weed smoke? and you didnt like it??!?