Wednesday, May 23, 2007

The Mad (2007)

Fear: 0/5
Gore: 1/5
Creepiness: 0/5
Entertainment: 0/5
Nightmares: 0/5
Fast Forwarding to the end: 5/5

The Mad? More like “The Bad”. A Canadian zombie film starring Billy Zane…do I need to keep writing? Isn’t that enough o get you to move on to the next movie on the shelf?

Ok, where to start . . . I actually like the concept: a cattle-farmer passes his beef off as organic to turn a profit, but is cheap and lazy continuing to feed them chemically-fueled food that give the animals mad cow disease. Ignoring the fact that this is not how mad cow comes about, I liked the idea of people eating the burgers and developing “mad-people” disease. This is an actual condition called kuru, though, again, eating mad cow burgers doesn’t turn one into a cannibal. But fine, the science is bad, I can deal with it. What I can’t deal with is that this is nothing more than a dopey slapstick comedy with a storyline that wiggles around going nowhere, bad acting and a very cheap look that is completely devoid of any sense of style.

The Mad?? More like “The Had”, as in “I’ve been had”. First and foremost, The Mad breaks the cardinal rule of every zombie movie: it must be gory. It’s a mortal sin that cannot be forgiven. The special effects boil down to a spritz or two of blood across BZ’s face once or twice and a CGI hamburger that bubbles and pops before flying across the room to attach itself to people’s faces. I know what you re thinking right now – this sounds like a good time, the way some bad movies are actually awesome, but it’s not. It’s just crappy. Good Burger was a better hamburger movie (Good Burger is actually a great example of a bad movie that is awesome) and Better Off Dead had better living hamburger special effects. So don’t be fooled by the big splashy “Unrated” that is plastered across the cover of the DVD. I suspect that all it means is that it was never submitted for a rating. Had it been, it easily would have been PG-13, possibly even PG.

The Mad??? More like “The Sad”. Billy Zane…I know the name, but honestly, all I can picture him in is Zoolander where he played himself in what I assumed was a bit of self-mockery. Well, he was also in Titanic but I don’t remember that movie because I fell asleep during the middle and never regained any sense of interest when I woke up. I think a boat sank at the end? Oh, and he was that super hero guy who wears a purple diving suit and rides horses. I think. Regardless, he sucks it in this movie.

The Mad???? More like “The Glad”. As in “glad I did not pay to see this”. I suggest you follow my lead.

Complaint Dept.

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