Sunday, May 27, 2007

Hell Night (1981)

Fear: 1/5

Gore: 1/5

Creepiness: 1/5

Entertainment: 2/5

Nightmares: 0/5

T&A: 0/5


As a means to initiate all new pledges, a fraternity and sorority makes four kids stay in an old abandoned mansion with a troubled past in Hell Night. For reasons unknown, a man murdered everyone in the family except for the son who ended up bearing witness to the grisly acts and watched as his father hung himself. The son, who also happens to be horribly disfigured, is rumored to be still residing somewhere within the large mansion.

The group of college kids picked to stay in the house are the typical types for this horror genre. Lets list them:

1. the slutty gal that puts out for everyone

2. the surfer/party dude that has the slick one liners

3. the unassuming, naive guy who tries miserably to save the day

4. the shy gal that rejects male sexual advancements and keeps enough sense and wit to ward off the evil threat when everyone else is drunk and high

The kids start off the night with some heavy drinking, pounding some quaaludes, and partake in the requisite exchange of love making fluids. What had started as a raucous party, soon devolves as they are stirred by the sounds of deafening screams that are pumped into the house. Prior to the kids shacking up for the evening, speakers were wired in various rooms of the house by the fraternity brothers (oh those cheeky bastards). So after a little fun, they realize what is happening, cut the cords and thats when things go slowly (and I mean ever so freaking slowly) downhill as the kids begin to get picked off by the current resident.

This movie is so ridiculously painful to watch not because of crazy scenes of inexplicable terror or over the top gore. No, the build up in every scene leading up to something 'scary' was overly drawn out and heightened with the most annoying usage of a synthesizer in an 80's horror flick. Every single scene before something happened (someone dying, the disfigured dude chasing someone) had the same build up. This movie could have been an hour instead of an hour and forty minutes had the melodramatic element been completely removed. In addition, the DVD cover states the film as having one of the highest body counts of any 80's horror movie. I counted 6 and 3 of them were off screen. If you are going to spend the better part of the movie building up each scene, at least have the damn nerve to execute and show something worthy. It was really mind numbing after a certain point, and after scene 10 of drawn out walking, creeping along, cue synthesizer, do some more walking, turn a corner, go down some stairs, 'oh no, LOOKOUT!', that's when I checked out. The end was o.k. with said disfigured dude getting a good impalement job but even that could have been done better.

The only semi-redeeming quality of this flick was
Linda Blair as the heroine. Her wonderful bosoms kept me captivated more so than anything else that was going on. I was hoping for any sort of mammary respite from the tight corset she was wearing. It certainly would have made for a more interesting film. And that's another thing, an 80's horror film with drunken college kids and no T&A is an automatic failure in my book. The sex scene earlier on was a total let down as there was nary a boobie in sight. Where the heck is Linda nowadays?

Anyways, there are much better films from the 80's with the same sort of premise and set up (
April Fool's Day, Night of the Demons ) and they are far less annoying. Only watch this film if you want to yell 'GET ON WITH IT!!!' every 10 minutes.

Cortez the Killer

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