Wednesday, May 23, 2007

The Guardian (1990)

Fear: 0
Gore : 0
Creepiness: 0
Entertainment: 0
Nightmares: 0
24 Fanboy Factor: 3/5

Man, I'm so glad that I don't have children. I don't have to worry about finding a nanny from an agency only to have a witch pose as a representative of said agency and worm her way into my home, only to kidnap my child and feed it to a tree that is protected by wolves.

However, there would be a few perks. My wife and I would get to throw her out of the house after the most convoluted of circumstances that is more dull than a butterknife leads us to understand what is going on with our nanny. Then we would get to chase her down and ram a jeep into her, crushing her against her baby tree. Sure that would traumatic, but when we go to the police station we would be stoked to learn that Xander Berkeley (AKA George Mason from 24) is our lead investigator on the case. I might just be so stoked I could forget all about the fact that a witch just stole my baby to feed it to a tree.

But still, probably better that I don't have kids. Cause I don't need that kind of shit hanging over my head.

the fucking beard

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